New here

[Polly]

Hello. I am on a healing journey currently and thought it may be a good idea for me to join a group to talk through some issues as part of my healing. I have multiple diagnosis, Major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, CPTSD, body dysmorphia, and an eating disorder, and am 2 months sober from cannabis use disorder. I have a daughter who is 1 year old and decided that I MUST heal my self to the best of my ability to ensure that I do not traumatized my daughter by being broken emotionally and not present for her. I do not want her to learn any of the coping survival behaviours I have been using all of these years. I started with treatment of cannabis use disorder because it was exacerbating my eating disorder and other diagnosis', I am now working through my trauma and eating disorder on my own. I am on a year long wait list for treatment of both, but unfortunately unless i am suicidal or on my death bed from the eating disorder I cannot receive treatment any sooner so I have taken things into my own hands.

My trauma. My trauma includes a lot of physical and emotional abuse from my uncles, sister, and mother. I was molested twice by two different people before the age of 10, I know a lot of death, lots of my friends have died, I was in a 3 year long abusive relationship, grew up in poverty, my moms boyfriend who knew me since i was a child tried to groom me a soon as i turned of age, and I am a health care professional which comes with its own trauma.

What I have done to treat my self on my own. I started writing down grouped by person every bad memory I had of that person, i then went back to those pages weeks later and wrote down the feelings that accompanied them, and then I started researching more on those feelings. As of recently I started doing an online eating disorder program and working through that, I am almost done reading "the body keeps the score" by Bessel van der klok, and purchased many more books, I started keeping a dream log as I have chronic nightmears and terrors/sleep paralysis, and I joined this group.

I am an amazing mother, I love my daughter unconditionally and have removed myself from any harmful environments to ensure her safety and mental peace, and now I am working as hard as I can to ensure I can lead by example. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, it is painful and I am fighting this battle alone as I do not have anyone other than my husband who doesn't understand emotional pain and suffering that I trust. I am hoping to find some support and recommendations through this group.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, Polly I'm sorry for all you've gone through that brought you here. It's a supportive place and there's a ton of information in both personal posts and information posts (with links) on the forum.

[Papa Coco]

Welcome Polly!

It's always great to hear of someone like yourself who is committing to face their C-PTSD so you can be a great mother. I love it when I see people put their children first by breaking the trend and ending the emotional abuse before transferring it on to the next generation.

I'm sorry to hear there's a long waiting list for the disorders you hope to get help with.

I'm glad you found this forum. I joined this group about a year and a half ago and it's been a strong part of my healing ever since. There is a lot of compassion on this forum. Also a lot of suggestions. I've learned a lot while here.

[Armee]

Welcome Polly! That's very brave and aware of yourself to want to heal. I also have kids and wanted to be the best mom possible to them because my own parents were pretty messed up. But I tried to approach it through just being as good as I could TO them instead of trying to heal myself along the way. It wasn't until my son was 10 and in crisis that I realized I needed to heal myself too. I am so impressed by your awareness to get help now when your son is so young

You are an amazing mom and will continue to be an amazing mom.

This group has helped me heal so much. It's not a substitute for therapy of course but it is incredibly helpful to have a place to come and let things out where people understand and validate and share their own experiences and tools. There are so few people in our day to day lives who can hear and understand complex ptsd.

[Snowdrop]

Welcome, Polly!

I'm so sorry those things happened to you. I applaud you for wanting to break the cycle and taking this path of healing .

[Not Alone]

Welcome, Polly.  I have found the people here to be very kind and supportive. Glad you are here.