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That sucks.

You know, I sometimes think that nothing actually sinks in with these people. If they are told something that does not agree with their narrative they are quite capable of simply pretending it isn't so. Even if they have kicked up a fuss initially, somehow the whole thing just fades back into their own little world view. They just stick their fingers in their ears and sing "la la la". 

Oh, my. That happened to someone in my gym and they healed fine. I do not know them well enough to have been privy to details about recovery and suchlike.

Wishing you all the very best for a successful surgery and a fast recovery. And don't let those medics boss you around. I know one should take the doctor's advice and that is right, of course. But given my recent hospital experience I would say you are your best advocate. If you are not sure of something, or something does not feel right - speak up. Ask all the questions you have.

    

Those houses are all so wonderfully creative. Yours is super, and so are all the others. Thank you for sharing the pics.

I think you are doing awesome work and reflection here, dolly. I have not got the energy to say anything much in response at the moment, but I have been reading your posts. A lot of the comments about limerence and wanting to know where you stand resonate with me. I have never been good at waiting to see how things pan out and often feel the need to push for a response from someone. Frequently it has been because I have been looking for an excuse to end the relationship (before it even really began) just so I had certainty of my position.

 

I got home yesterday     

How nice to have home food (hubby is a great cook) and a proper sleep without being woken at 0530 by nurses brandishing blood pressure monitors.

Oh, and a shower. How wonderful to feel properly clean again. I have read that if you stop washing your hair it quite soon stops being really rank and turns all glossy and healthy. I have  discovered that this most certainly does not happen within 12 days!

I have to do everything slowly and take lots of rests before I get breathless. But I can manage that fine. Had a nice little outing for a Starbucks. Fresh air and a change of scene. Lovely.

 

Hello, friends. I am still in hospital but off IV antibiotics and as of last night off all oxygen as well. I did not realise until docs told me yesterday that they were having to give me 60 litres per minute of specially humidified oxygen when in intensive care. I am holding my own with no oxygen support. Waiting on a physio assessment to see how I can move around and manage stairs. I have to feel safe and confident before going home, but I think I will be home tomorrow evening if not tonight.

The people in my ward were fine when I first moved in but a terrible woman came in last night and I cannot wait to be rid of her.

Lots of tales to tell, but plenty of time when I get home. Just wanted to update you and thank you all for your good wishes.

 

I am in ICU with pneumonia. See you when I get better   

Thanks, all. The boiler/furnace seems to be working ok. Fingers crossed, since we have been here before. The problem is not the boiler, so much as making an old system shape itself up for the demands of its new Kommandant. Tom says he has tweaked everything tweak able and twiddled everything twiddle able and we should be ok.

dollyvee - I would normally agree with you. The signs of infection were showing before starting the drugs, though. And I have combed the internet for side effects of these drugs. Fever, coughing and racing heart simply do not feature anywhere. Anyway, whatever happens I keep taking the Hep C drugs. I absolutely refuse to end up with drug-resistant hepatitis at the end of it.

Antibiotics are doing precisely nothing. Had some blood taken yesterday in case that sheds some light and am waiting on a prescription of different antibiotics. Thing is, we don't even know for sure this is bacterial so I am reluctant to stuff myself with antibiotics for the heck of it. I will have a chest x ray on Monday.

My husband and I are now trying to find a way to get me into the private hospital. Much will depend on the result of the chest x ray. But I am in a bad way. I know I must eat and wash and move around at least a little bit but I am finding it increasingly hard to do any of it. I think I need to be on oxygen and I think I need nursing care. Simple as that. I think we are going to have to accept that we won't be able to go on the cruise.

 

 

 

I feel so ill I don't know where to put myself.

My Hep C drugs arrived and I have been taking them for a week. I have not had any pains in the liver area since starting them, so that is good.

The trouble is that I have managed to get a chest infection. I started feeling lousy a couple of days before the drugs arrived. I thought it was the Hep C starting to mount another attack and smugly thought it didn't know what was about to hit it.

I have no way of knowing (yet) which of my complaints are side effects from the drugs and which are from the chest infection. I mean, obviously the rattly lungs and crazy high fever are the chest infection. The rather grim nausea I had for a few days after starting drugs is probably due to them. My resting heart rate, which should be low 60s, has been mid 90s. The absolute bone-crushing fatigue is probably mostly the chest infection. At least I hope it is because if I have that for 12 weeks I don't know what I'll do. I literally have to sit down at the bottom of the stairs when I come down, to rest before I plod off to do whatever it was. My appetite has vanished. I ate virtually nothing for 3 days. Food tasted weird and my body just said "no". I can at least eat something now, but only about half of what I should be eating.

Covid test was negative.

I did all the usual home care stuff but the fever climbed. It hit 104 at one stage but that was on Sunday and nothing functions properly at the weekend so no point in trying to get medical care. On Monday it dropped to 100 and I hoped it was on the way out but then went back to 102. So I hauled myself to the doctor. It was a difficult appointment because I was really too tired to go, but the doc can hardly listen to my chest over zoom. And if I say more than 3 words I start coughing violently. So I had to type out the history for the doc to reduce what I had to say. Anyway, she gave me antibiotics. Said they should start working after 3 days max. If they don't then I have to have a chest x ray for pneumonia.

On top of all of this, we needed a new boiler/furnace. The old one was working but 15 years old. We wanted a new one at a time that suited us, not when the old one decided to pack up in the middle of winter, as is usually the case. They're doing some good finance deals at the moment. So we had the guy round to quote on Wednesday, expecting a fit date somewhere in June/July.

Well, as luck would have it they had a boiler and an engineer available on Thursday! Yes, please, said we. Mark turned up and I instantly disliked him, But, whatever. I don't have to like my gas engineer. He finished the job much quicker than expected and seemed in a hurry to leave. You guessed it, the boiler stopped working soon after he left. But it was hard to tell because the house was very hot from the installation and it was not until Friday morning when the house was really far too chilly that I checked the boiler and saw a fault code. So Gareth came that day and gave his opinion.But he was from the Home Servicing and Repairs Department and this was (he said) obviously an installation fault. Mark came round on Saturday bellyaching about having to come out for no pay on his Saturday. He insisted Gareth was wrong but he would do what Gareth said. He could not fix the fault and gave his opinion on what it was. But he did not have the equipment on the van and his supervisor was not working that day so could not authorise the work.

The supervisor of Mark rang on Monday and said he would send Tom on Tuesday. Tom came, disagreed with Mark's view of the problem, identified another one and fixed that. A working boiler. 

Boiler shut down again last night. Tom is coming tomorrow...

I mean, we can cope. We have space heaters for selected rooms and an immersion heater. But the main body of the house is hideously chilly as we are having an unusually cold snap for this time of year. And I am ILL!  I do not need all these workmen around the place. I just need a warm house in which to recuperate.

Because we are supposed to be going on a cruise 2 weeks today. And it's not just being fit enough to enjoy it on the day of departure. The amount of work packing to go on a cruise is huge. I could not contemplate doing any of it right now. Hubby would probably pack but I'd have to tell him what and I have no mental capacity at all right now. I could not tell someone how to butter a sandwich with any cogency! I really need this to be rapidly on the way to recovery by the end of the weekend or I fear for the cruise. Which is a very special one on a brand new ship that we have been looking forward to for a couple of years.

Sorry for the endless tale of woe. But if any of you have been wondering where I am - the answer is - in bed feeling sorry for myself.

My T didn't say, and I didn't ask, but I'm sure that I'm over the half-way mark in processing.

Oh to be so optimistic! I think it is unlikely that I was at the half-way mark then. I wouldn't even dare to guess if I'm there now!

Oh dear. Did you tread on it the wrong way and fill the torso with air by mistake so it suddenly sat up?
 

I don't think there's anything wrong in finding pleasure and benefit from doing the right thing. Even if it is your primary motivator for continuing.

The therapy homework sounds tough. My triggers mostly come from left field and it takes a therapy session to connect the dots. Perhaps an approach to consider would be to think of a situation that reliably makes you extremely mad or sad. And then consider whether it would make anyone that mad or sad. If you uncover a likely overreaction on your part then it is likely from a childhood experience. You may want to stick more closely to the brief, but that is how I would tackle it. Or I'd turn up empty handed and say the dog ate it.
 

I'll stick with the plan, let my T drive, and hope for the best.

I am happy to read that sentence. Because to me it indicates that your therapist seems to be a good fit. Of course it is early days. But she has told you something you don't at all like (the depression and critic may return for a while) and you have not run screaming for the hills. If you are anything like me then the word "trust" is way, way too strong to use at this stage, but it feels like there is something there. I hope I'm right.

You're very brave to be doing this knowing there could be change. I mean, we all do it with the hope of some change because if we were 100% happy as we are what would be the point of going through therapy? But imagining change and the unknown is tough and from your posts it seems like you may find future unknowns particularly challenging to contemplate. Maybe your therapist can help you with that. Mine has been good on that front.

You've started on a road that I hope will lead you to happy things. Go, Slashy!