Introducing myself and a little about why I'm here [triggers]

[shella137]

Hi everybody... It's nice to see an active forum for people like us.  Hopefully it turns out to be helpful and a good place to turn to when nobody else in my life can truly understand what's going on. 
I'm a 23 year old woman, found out I have c-ptsd in July.  I'd recognized a number of symptoms in recent years as something being "wrong" with me, but never had any idea that those things could fit into a known diagnosis and be treated.  After starting EMDR and regular talk therapy, I learned that other things I've done for as long as I can remember are also symptoms of c-ptsd; that was a little odd... to realize things I thought just made me me are actually not normal/healthy.  Anyway, still working through my issues with a set of professionals and plan to be for quite some time, but it's nice to have a place to talk to others who are in the trenches alongside me.
A bit more specific about why I'm here... won't go into everything as that seems unnecessary and probably too much to handle right now, but basically from a really young age I was exposed to physical and emotional violence within my family, victimized by family members and family friends, and went down the stereotypical path of repeatedly making bad life choices due to the crap I grew up around (which led to re-traumatizing myself through multiple bad situations).  My story is just kind of a conglomeration of abandonment issues, emotional torture, witnessing and experiencing extreme physical abuse, trafficking, gang life, and substance abuse.  Not sure what else to put here for now, but I look forward to talking to you all.   

[Rain]

Hi shella137 ...Welcome to the OOTS forum!

I am quite impressed with you.  It is a challenge to come to a point to know things "back there" were not good for you, to realizing how it impacted you, and finally your determination to grow and heal.

I am glad you are here, shella137.   Please do read the Welcome, etc. if you haven't already, and Topics you are drawn to.

Please do check out www.pete-walker.com web site for terrific info on CPTSD!   His book is a home run for healing.

You are on the Healing Journey with us.     

Rain

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi Shella137, pleased to meet you!

I learned that other things I've done for as long as I can remember are also symptoms of c-ptsd; that was a little odd... to realize things I thought just made me me are actually not normal/healthy.

I can relate to that a little... though it's probably the reverse in my case - I was blamed and shamed for many of these things (example: depression = "pull yourself together and grow a thicker skin"; dissociation = "stop daydreaming", etc). But the end result is still bizarre. One has this cohesive self-image, and then suddenly all those 'character traits' or 'character faults' turn out to be simply just symptoms of CPTSD.

At the end of the day, it's a little sad. So many of us have become accustomed to suffering.

[Pixelpixiestick]

Hello,
I'm sorry so much has happened in such a short span of time in your life. Accepting and acknowledging CPTSD is always the first step. I didn't know it was a thing until I found this site. I'm thankful you've found your way here, and that you have a therapist and one who acknowledges cptsd as well. You'll find some amazing people in this forum, and you'll learn a lot about yourself and being okay with what that means. I never thought I would find anyone who could relate to my insane thoughts, but it's not me; it's CPTSD. You'll get through this. I'm proud you decided to post and share. Thank you.

[RisingSun]

I just found this online group myself and I can totally relate when you say --
"I'd recognized a number of symptoms in recent years as something being "wrong" with me, but never had any idea that those things could fit into a known diagnosis and be treated.  .... I learned that other things I've done for as long as I can remember are also symptoms of c-ptsd; that was a little odd... to realize things I thought just made me me are actually not normal/healthy. "

Glad you are on a fast track to healing

I was diagnosed with CPTSD 1.5 years ago.

[flookadelic]

Hi Shella!

"I learned that other things I've done for as long as I can remember are also symptoms of c-ptsd; that was a little odd... to realize things I thought just made me me are actually not normal/healthy. "

Oh boy can I relate to that. My diagnosis had me reeling even though I wasn't surprised by it at all. Well done on catching it so early in your life! That is brilliant work / self-awareness and obviously I wish you every happiness and success on your journey towards health.