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Thank you all for your replies, they are very sweet and I appreciate them deeply. Part of my issue with everything is that I truly believe some people have just been created because they can handle and deal with more trauma than most, I have accepted that my life will never be great, that I will never have happiness, but that I have the strength and perseverance to handle more than the average person and that is what I was put on this planet to deal with that. I have been through "*" so many times that it has become a part of me, like being left-handed, it is just who I am.  I am strong and I can withstand anything, I have been put in situations that many people can't survive in and I thrive in them. My trauma is so deeply ingrated in me that I don't even know who I would be without it. To some extent I don't want to deal with it because that involves me breaking down every part of me I know, I have never had anyone, not one single person, "there for me". I have had no one my entire life and to get to where I am today I have relied on me, I have pushed through things that are horrible and not many could deal with to be a successful person. I have fought and cried and paid my dues time and time again and I am finally in a better place. I guess my question is at this point, I need someone to convince me that therapy and opening up is going to be better than where I am. I have never had anyone in my life, I don't trust anyone and don't plan on starting to anytime soon, I have been alone since I was 14 and I have been able to push my hurt and pain aside to where I never even think about it and now that someone else wants to talk about it, I guess I just need a reason to. I know I am probably frustrating or have you rolling your eyes like "seriously? Everyone here has been through trauma, way to be a drama queen.." but I have never had a support group or system or * even a person who has consistently been there so feeling like I am going to open up and be vulnerable and let all these emotions out to someone I see once a week for one hour seems like a joke to me. What about the other 167 hours a week? I'm just on my own? I have to rip up this delicate balance because a therapist says I should and then what? They aren't there when I have nightmares and terrors, they aren't there when I'm sobbing because life is just too much, then what?! I just deal with that again?? Wait a week to talk about it? I don't know what is expected of me, what the * do I do?

I am 28 and was just diagnosed with C-PTSD. This has been extremely upsetting to me, I have spent most of my life dealing with traumatic experiences and have become very adapt at pushing through traumatic situations. Since my therapist "surprised" me with this diagnosis I feel my whole world has been turned upside down. I have been through emotional, physical, and sexual violence throughout my life and I have worked my butt off by myself to get through it. I have become successful in my life and operate under a very delicate balance of keeping my emotions in check, something that has taken a very long time to achieve. I don't know where to go from here, this has brought up so many emotions that I did not want to deal with ever again, the people who committed the acts of violence against me are never going to feel that anger or be held accountable so the only person I hurt by being angry or emotional is myself. I don't see the downside in keeping these emotions grounded and not thinking about these experiences. I know this may seem naive to anyone who has been working through this, but at this point I am just a mess and angry that I am feeling like this at all. I don't know what to do or how to feel and I'm in distress. Any advice would be welcome.