Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Larry]

i know journaling is suppose to help.   sometimes it does,   sometimes it is just to painful.    i really try to forget my past.    i have worked so hard to bury memories.    i have had a few good days,  but still struggle with self acceptance,  hypervigilance,  anxiety,   among many other things.      i really want to feel normal.   maybe tomorrow....

[rainydiary]

Hi Larry.

[Larry]

hi rainy.   

[Armee]

 

[Larry]

today was nice,   busy day at work.    i wanted to go to the gym this morning before work,   but i didn't make it.   had a few drinks after work,   but still  a good day.   sometimes it feels like i am forcing things to be good,  but whatever works.    i almost feel ready for tomorrow.    maybe i can get to the gym in the morning.     

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

I hope you have a good day and get to the place where you feel like you don't have to force anything or be anyone else  I read something years ago that always stuck with me that said "make it beautiful behind you." I think it was from the Four Agreements. All we can do is our best to leave things in the path behind us in the best way we can.

Hope you enjoy the gym.
dolly

[Larry]

today was mostly good,   i feel good.    had a little anxiety this evening,  but i think i have it under control.     

[Armee]

Cheering you on!

[sanmagic7]

 

[rainydiary]

Thinking of you Larry.

[Larry]

i really appreciate all of the support.    i really want to support others,  but sometimes it is hard to read other journals,  seems to be kind of painful sometimes.     i don't want to seem selfish.    i am going to try to learn.   try to get over my own feelings and emotions.   emotions are still a little new to me,  it has been almost a year now,   and i think i am doing better.   

today was a nice day off.   i went to the gym for the first time in a week.    stopped by the local bar and had 3 drinks.   i felt a little out of place there today.   
i am working tomorrow and all weekend.   i really want to try to get a scheduled day off to try therapy again.   

[sanmagic7]

larry, i have to take breaks from the pain here as well at times.  when we're working w/in our own pain, the pain of others can be overwhelming.

interesting that you said you didn't feel as comfortable in the bar as usual.

good luck w/ being able to schedule a therapy appt.  feeling your feelings for the first time can be intimidating in the least.  i hope you find some help w/ that.  love and hugs

[Armee]

 

Larry, I wish you could get a scheduled  day off too so you could plan better.

When you're ready there may be therapists with a more flexible schedule.  Mine has never done a set day/time. He just has an online calendar and people go on and select the time that works for them. Mine is a different day and time every week, depending on what's going on. 

[Larry]

things have been good lately.   almost a little scary ,  but i like it.  been real busy with work,  i think that helps.   i haven't been to the gym in a week,   i am trying to go at 6 am before work,  maybe tomorrow.    i have been going to the bar a lot,  but only having 3 or 4 drinks.   i really think less drinking has been helping.   
I love all of you and hope you all are doing well.   

[sanmagic7]

glad to hear all this, larry.  and, yeah, change, even for the better, can be scary.  keep up the good work.  love and hugs