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I hate all the moving emoticons!

I agree that the inability to discuss this is one of the causes of our social isolation, even if we don't want it to be, and do our best to work around it. There's just no way for people to really get to know me if I can't answer honestly about the abuse, neglect, and abandonment that I experienced for so many years. I can offer the superficial information of towns and schools and sports and aptitudes, but the information rings hollow, and we both know there's a wall between us.

When I've let people have a glimpse of the truth, they've either become morbidly and rudely curious and asked many, many inappropriate questions in follow-up -- as though they have lost track of the fact that this is truth, not fiction, and that they are speaking to a real person -- or they have quickly changed the subject and never brought it up again, so it is clear that it makes them too uncomfortable. After a while, if I maintain regular contact with someone who does not know my history, it seems too difficult and perhaps just too big to talk about. I am silenced no matter how I try to approach it.

http://solotravelerblog.com/afraid-to-travel-alone-5-steps/

I've done some travel alone (I am a woman) and some travel in (small 6-10 person) groups that were not expressly for singles. While I'm not afraid of other people, I find them generally disagreeable when we're in close quarters. As a result, I have had some very unpleasant moments in group travel. There's always a lot of time in small buses and vans, around cramped tables in small restaurants, and hanging out in lobbies waiting for everyone to gather when you just can't get away from someone's irritating personality. The advantages to group travel are many, though, particularly if you're traveling in a foreign country and your language skills are lacking. Last year I encouraged a co-worker to join a group trip with me. It was a nice mix of someone to travel with whom I knew a little bit and liked, and getting to know new people in a fun place/time. My coworker and I hadn't been working together for long, so I was a little unsure, but it turned out I really did like her a lot and her presence was a comfort and in no way intrusive. We each purchased the "single supplement" so there was no room-sharing, and the group we travelled with was friendly enough that we were able to flow in and out of each other's space without feeling like we had to be glued together or leave each other completely alone. It worked out, but I think it was more a matter of good group dynamics than anything else. A few months ago I booked another trip through the same company, this time traveling on my own, and the group dynamics were horrible. Within a day and a half I desperately wanted to go home, and would have if getting back to an airport had been any kind of reasonable option. A number of years ago now, I engaged in a personal project I called "52 Weekends" in which I treated every weekend as though I was a tourist and I travelled to many small towns and villages in the area. Most of these were day trips, but I had a number of weekends/long weekends when I would book a night or two at a B&B or Inn and wander the area for a couple of days. These were actually my favorite trips of all time. I was never more than a few hours from home, I spoke the language, I understood the culture, since I lived in the region, and I wasn't overwhelmed by travel details and planning. A few local guidebooks and suggestions from friends and co-workers and I would have a destination, recommendations for good food and drink, and some interesting natural phenomenon or historical village to explore. Unlike long-distance travel, people show no intrusive curiosity about where you're from and why you're traveling alone when you stay in the region. You don't need to worry beyond everyday caution about having your money stolen, your luggage lost, or being taken advantage of by the locals. And if you do it enough, you really get to know your region of the world in a way that few other people ever do. In fact, I think I've talked myself into getting started in doing this again

I just located this forum after reading some materials that made me realize I fit into the "diagnosis" of CPTSD. I'm 52 and the childhood trauma at the hands of biological and adoptive parents is too long to list in an introductory post. Went on to marry abusers as well. Finally clear of all of those relationships and hoping to live a life of peace and serenity, steering clear of any more abuse from this point forward. I have a therapist I love and she feels I'm doing really well. I think I am too, but I know I isolate myself too much for long-term health and happiness. I don't want to dwell on the past, but I would like to be a part of a community in which I can talk about it when I feel the need, and know that people understand and will not be dismissive or patronizing. The only other person in my life whom I could really hope for understanding from is my adoptive brother, but he survives by denying the scope of the abuse, and becomes angry with me if I bring it up in a public or semi-public place (like a posting on FB, for example). I started to read some books just this week on CPTSD, but I find that just a few chapters in, I feel much worse than I ever do otherwise. Yes, I am fully aware that I avoid relationships because of my history, but I'm able to function pretty darn well and the people around me see me as very much "normal" (whatever that is). Reading this material makes me think, "well, yes, that, and that, and that, and THAT all apply to me. Yes, I do respond in those three ways, but not those 4. Holy cow, I am so BROKEN and I didn't even realize it." Does that make sense to anyone?