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This started when I was an older teen.  Sometimes when I see young children, older than infants but younger than say 8 years old, I get incredibly, profoundly sad seemingly out of nowhere.  Even if the kids look happy or are having a good time.  I saw a toddler running around saying "mommy I want chicken" in the park and I almost straight up burst into tears on the spot.  I don't understand where this feeling comes from.  I have no children of my own and I'm kind of afraid to because what if I just feel heart-crushingly sad whenever I see my own kids?

Is this what they call a trigger?  What could it mean?

I have some good friends but don't make plans with them often.  Anytime I do, most of the time I'm just thinking about when I get to go home and be alone.  I know it's important to have healthy connections with others, but even when I'm having an okay time, there is a hook in the back of my mind dragging me back home.  I don't really understand it; I get really lonely when I'm by myself, but really agitated when I'm socializing in any context.  I haven't dated since I broke up with my ex over a year ago, and the idea of trying to date again is so repellent to me.

Sorry, I'm just having a hard time understanding these conflicting feelings.