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Recovery Journals / zanzoken's journal
June 27, 2021, 07:22:59 PM
This is my journal.  I started it offline a few days ago but figured I might as well post here.  Others are welcome to comment as they see fit.

All the best to each and every one of you in your continued healing and recovery.
It's hard to distill one's story down into a few paragraphs, as I'm sure you can all relate.  I will try my best though.

I was a happy, healthy child until my parents got divorced when I was 11 years old.  My mother took me and moved several hours away, leaving my father and older brother behind.  I didn't adjust well and experienced a traumatic breakdown that I still vividly remember.  Although I eventually reached a new, fractured equilibrium, I don't think I've ever been well since.

I stayed with my mother for two years, but she eventually let me return home.  My father had cast himself in the role of my savior, but unfortunately I soon came to realize that was a lie.  He was a hateful, controlling, abusive person, and spent the remaining years of my childhood grinding my spirit into dust. 

I did my best to put it all behind me and move on, but in my adult life I have continued to suffer.  When I finally sought treatment several years back, I was diagnosed as bipolar, but none of the medicines or talk therapy seemed to help.  There are times when despair falls near and I wonder if I will ever be able to live a good, meaningful life.

Finding this place has given me new hope, though, and renewed my desire to explore treatment.  Learning about cPTS / RTR makes me feel like I am finally starting to understand what happened to me and why my life is the way it is.  I am reading "The Body Keeps the Score" now and after I have had a chance to finish and contemplate it, I want to find a doctor or therapist who understands the nature of what we contend with, and knows how to help me heal.

Thank you for reading.  I wish you all the best and I hope I can make a positive contribution to this community.