Cheers and thank you for your reply. I stopped taking sertraline because I felt so dissociated anyway and I wanted to feel more grounded. It has not been easy and still is not. Sometimes, i feel as if I am slipping and have no doubt that I would have taken my own life many times over the past few years. The only thing that has stopped me is because I now have my dogs who I care about dearly and my partner who I love as much as someone like me can.
I was given the last rites by a consultant and was so disappointed when it transpired I had sarcoidosis, which had mimicked Lymphoma perfectly, with enlarged mediastan glands, three pints of fluid in one lung lining and something else that confirmed cancer and a certain death. Supposedly!
I often describe my current state as someone who would be just learning to walk again after three years, if this was a physical injury. I wish it was. I wish it had been. It's difficult to talk to anyone about because it is so misunderstood. I remember reading the drop down list of symptoms for the first time after disclosure. Every symptom read like excerpts from my life. As the memories of violence and self harm, near death and erratic behaviour came back, i had tears for myself for the first time in my life.
How can you forget getting drugged and raped when you are a small boy. How can you forget seeing your beloved pet dog being kicked to death in Front of you when you are ten by your mothers boyfriend? I don't know, the previous poster suggested that I have a firm grip on my sanity. All I can say is that quite often that grip becomes very weak indeed.
I feel for you trying to get your diagnosis. Usually they make you wait for so long for anything just in case you might die, or simply drop off the radar. Mental health care in the UK is at best a joke and at worst an abomination. I'm sorry if I seem negative but I'm sick of sticking plaster therapies and under qualified councilors.
Steve.
I was given the last rites by a consultant and was so disappointed when it transpired I had sarcoidosis, which had mimicked Lymphoma perfectly, with enlarged mediastan glands, three pints of fluid in one lung lining and something else that confirmed cancer and a certain death. Supposedly!
I often describe my current state as someone who would be just learning to walk again after three years, if this was a physical injury. I wish it was. I wish it had been. It's difficult to talk to anyone about because it is so misunderstood. I remember reading the drop down list of symptoms for the first time after disclosure. Every symptom read like excerpts from my life. As the memories of violence and self harm, near death and erratic behaviour came back, i had tears for myself for the first time in my life.
How can you forget getting drugged and raped when you are a small boy. How can you forget seeing your beloved pet dog being kicked to death in Front of you when you are ten by your mothers boyfriend? I don't know, the previous poster suggested that I have a firm grip on my sanity. All I can say is that quite often that grip becomes very weak indeed.
I feel for you trying to get your diagnosis. Usually they make you wait for so long for anything just in case you might die, or simply drop off the radar. Mental health care in the UK is at best a joke and at worst an abomination. I'm sorry if I seem negative but I'm sick of sticking plaster therapies and under qualified councilors.
Steve.