the cheshire grin is the last to go - triggers

[Blueberry]

 

I can really relate. Packing and getting on with something major (like going away for inpatient treatment) does my head in and sends me in a panic spin. I don't want to think what would happen if I had to move. Also it's really hard, when people say they'll help or provide this or that and then they don't after all... I find that very frustrating.
I don't have a solution, so I'll send good thoughts.

[sanmagic7]

the hugs and good thoughts are invaluable at this time, blueberry.  ever so many thanks.  xanax and the support of everyone here is the only thing getting me thru this.  i'm still packing.

[sanmagic7]

it looks like i'll be moving on wed.  at least it will be the first part of the trip - getting me across the border.  how the rest of it goes, i'm not sure, but i can only have faith that it will happen.

there is a great possibility that i won't be able to take all my stuff, which is heartbreaking, but just may not be able to fit it all in the vehicle which has become available.  so, pick and choose.  it will be nothing that can be shipped, so it will be simply left behind.  pieces of me that i've used and enjoyed, bought and paid for (like this computer desk).

more losses on top of what's already going on.  this is the most difficult move i've ever made, from the logistics to the coordination to the physicality of it.  my other moves were mostly clothes and toiletries - i hadn't accumulated furniture, or, when i left my family, i left the entire house behind. 

i will be so glad to leave, and so heartbroken at the same time.  just last night was another indication of why my hub and i couldn't make it together.  he's been wonderful with helping me, finding a friend who'll take me where i need to go for the first leg of my trip, but we have never been on the same page communication-wise.  since that has always been a very precise area for me, and he just throws out the words/phrases he thinks fits the occasion, we've never jelled.  it's just too hard.

so, after wed., i will be gone from here for who knows how long.  nothing is settled, nothing is worked out past my getting to the coast in the u.s.  after that, it's all out of my hands.  i'll miss you all, but i know you're all on this journey with me.  thank you.  love and hugs.

[Blueberry]

  I'll miss you too. Will look forward to you being somewhere more settled and coming back to post with us.
Until then, tons of good thoughts on getting out of where you are and to where you need to be, and taking those things that mean most to you.

[sanmagic7]

thanks with tears in my eyes.  my heart is bursting.

[Blackbird]

The best is often enough 

[sanmagic7]

being so used to not quite the best, the best will be more than enough, blackbird.  thanks!  hugs.

[sanmagic7]

this will probably be my last entry till i get out of this hellhole and in my daughter's place.  thank you all for everything.  i'm on the verge of insanity - too much b.s. in less than 2 short weeks has me spinning.  this was the love of my heart - now it's so changed, everything's so different, i barely recognize it anymore.  now i hate it and nearly everyone here.  love and hugs all around.   adieu!

[Three Roses]

Until we see you again! Hugs to you. I'll be looking for you.

[sanmagic7]

just want to let you all know i'm here, i'm safe, and you were in my thoughts all the way and helped me get thru it all.  i could feel you.  thanks.   more when i get settled a bit more.  love and hugs.

[Three Roses]

 

[Candid]

Thanks for letting us know, San. 

Don't know how many times I've packed up, thrown out, and done a runner. Enjoy it if you can, this time of uncertainty leading to a new beginning, knowing lots of people love you and wish you well.

[Blueberry]

     sanmagic all the best for the next while too, while you find your feet, settle in and all that

[Wife#2]

Thanks for letting us know, San. 

Don't know how many times I've packed up, thrown out, and done a runner. Enjoy it if you can, this time of uncertainty leading to a new beginning, knowing lots of people love you and wish you well.

   Love to you, friend! I know there is still a lot to do. We're still here rooting, praying, cheering, for you - however we are led!

[sanmagic7]

bureaucracy sucks!  i'm exhausted, run down, and all the triggers of having to talk about the house i don't have anymore to the DHS overwhelmed me, started sobbing, my daughter had to finish talking to the guy.  dang!