It still seems so odd, this cultural 'norm' about naturally loving one's parents, no matter what. Along with the forgiveness at all costs trap, where to forgive in a certain accepted way is all important. It feels almost as if, okay, as it's a cultural norm, go ahead and dive in, even if it's just a meaningless, almost stupid, endeavour. That all seems less about love than just performing an act that seems nice, yet meaningless in real life.
I feel totally ambivalent about the parents now, and have come to regard my time with them as just a temporary journey where we somehow ended up on the wrong bus together. Fortunately the trip ended, with no forgiveness, and no love lost, as there hadn't been any that I ever felt. Now driving my own bus, I've found more loving ways to live, so don't miss the old trip. Sadly, I still can resent it, hate it, but none of it involves hatred, just a wounded ambivalence.
I find it disappointing how many therapists and self-help gurus seem to fall in line with their peers who play the 'it's-your-own-fault' game. One noted author has made a name for herself by labelling people like us as living in their own self-made 'woundology', as she calls it. From there it's just one small step to the 'just get over it' taunt we know so well. Blaming the victim, yet again. And yet I've read others who rave about her brilliance at having come up with this sort of insult disguised as brilliant self-help.
I once obtained a book with a most promising title -- 'The Spiritual Advantages of a Wounded Childhood' (or something along those lines). The author's first chapter's theme -- you must always forgive. Maybe the rest of the book turned out okay, but I immediately tossed it away and haven't seen it since.
So I guess I'd never score well in the forgiveness game. Maybe it's because I don't see it as meaning much, if anything in most instances. Doesn't mean I hew to the hatred 'opposite' of love. I'm fine with remaining ambivalent and living this life, not the one before. Uh-oh; maybe that means I'm just living in a state of 'wounology'? Even there, my preference is for a chuckle instead of a rant (see above for that LOL).
I feel totally ambivalent about the parents now, and have come to regard my time with them as just a temporary journey where we somehow ended up on the wrong bus together. Fortunately the trip ended, with no forgiveness, and no love lost, as there hadn't been any that I ever felt. Now driving my own bus, I've found more loving ways to live, so don't miss the old trip. Sadly, I still can resent it, hate it, but none of it involves hatred, just a wounded ambivalence.
I find it disappointing how many therapists and self-help gurus seem to fall in line with their peers who play the 'it's-your-own-fault' game. One noted author has made a name for herself by labelling people like us as living in their own self-made 'woundology', as she calls it. From there it's just one small step to the 'just get over it' taunt we know so well. Blaming the victim, yet again. And yet I've read others who rave about her brilliance at having come up with this sort of insult disguised as brilliant self-help.
I once obtained a book with a most promising title -- 'The Spiritual Advantages of a Wounded Childhood' (or something along those lines). The author's first chapter's theme -- you must always forgive. Maybe the rest of the book turned out okay, but I immediately tossed it away and haven't seen it since.
So I guess I'd never score well in the forgiveness game. Maybe it's because I don't see it as meaning much, if anything in most instances. Doesn't mean I hew to the hatred 'opposite' of love. I'm fine with remaining ambivalent and living this life, not the one before. Uh-oh; maybe that means I'm just living in a state of 'wounology'? Even there, my preference is for a chuckle instead of a rant (see above for that LOL).