Neighbours cause emotional flashback to childhood, leads to break up cry

[NyxBean]

[Triggered by shouting adults, crying child, and misophonic-like response to burnt out carer. Vent,]

I'm freaking out. It's so loud it could be in the flat with me:

- That loud woman was shouting and I realised EXACTLY who she sounded like (my abusive mother), so started to feel even more nauseated than I do now;

- Baby or toddler starts crying but not just crying, WAILING;

- Woman starts screaming at somebody to "Get in that room now!" causing emotional flashback and louder than before;

- Thumping, bumping, slamming, so much so that it sounds like that whole floor, other flat included, is in on it;

- Baby's crying becomes far more intense and distraught;

- Possible other, younger female voice arguing, and maybe a male;

- More shouts;

- Baby still crying but now in what sounds like helplessness, that exhausted crying you can't stop.

I call my carer in because I'm severely emotionally triggered and can't think straight. I ask him to knock on their door. He won't. I decide to get out of bed to get dressed but as soon as I lift away the blanket I feel INCREDIBLY unsafe so have to get back under them.

Mental health can't handle this. Tomorrow I'm putting a note through the door. My carer has already organised the rest of the stair to make a joint complaint and phoned the Noise Team.

I can't take these people anymore. Our landlords claim they take a nonsense approach but I don't know how many complaints they have had.

Stressed caregiver's burnout made him snappy with me and when the misophonic feelings started happening I had to cover my ears and he just spoke louder and I had to shout for him to stop which made him storm out the room.

---

This of course set me back and I said "Why, when all of life is attacking me, did my ex have to give up on me? Why didn't he talk to me properly in the relationship? Why didn't he give me a fair chance to improve? I thought I had been doing better today,".

Then floods of tears. How can I properly move on when I have constantly triggering neighbours?

I was coping with my mother's manipulation/sabotage and finding out the truth of her lies and all the medical uncertainty with my ex. If he had said he needed support or space too I WOULD HAVE HELPED. MUTUAL SUPPORT IS WHAT LOVERS DO.

So, having not read a thing about C-PTSD's abandonment fear behaviour, he took my worrying as a terrible omen and decided that he could no longer take me, pulling the entire foundations from out beneath me. Then all the rest of the stressors showing up, then carer saying he's moving out in a year, then more stressors, then silly stuff like the FB shutout my mother likely caused (had to prove my name was real), and my elderly cat yowling all the time. I can't cope. My ex at one point during the breaking up tried to claim he was making me worse; em, no. However, he amended it to say he couldn't cope with both our stuff and then blamed me for his not being able to get on the bus anymore...

I know the depression, I know the anxiety, I know the psoriasis. What else though? What else wasn't he telling me? What else does he not even see or face? Why was I instantly the worst one off, because I expressed it? Why wouldn't he let me HELP him, why did he take me on as a project and not a lover, why did he not allow me to push myself as well to make things work?