TRIGGER WARNING - CSA & VIOLENCE
One man's experience:
I was sexually abused, repeatedly, by my narcissistic mother. The most aggressive, overt sexual abuse occured from my earliest memories until I was six years old. I was made to do things to her, which I won't describe here, and then told I was disgusting and dirty for doing those very things.
As I grew older the abuse changed to a less aggressive, more covert nature. I was not allowed to have a lock on my bedroom door and she would often burst into my room when she knew I was changing clothes. But her favorite pastime was to walk around the house, when it was just me and her there, in her underwear or in very revealing, see-through lingerie. Before I reached puberty, I was simply embarrased and felt uncomfortable. After puberty, I began to enjoy seeing her exhibitions and would fantisize about what girls that I was attracted to at school would look like wearing those things. But the fantasy would be very brief because I was always sickened and horrified that I could look at my mother, whom I loathed, in that way. I hated her for her narcissistic, controlling behavior and for the many forms of abuse she subjected me to. How could I look at her?
As I continued to mature, I was frightened by and ashamed of my growing sexual desires. I had fully incorporated into my sense of self what I'd been repeatedly told throughout my chilhood - that I was a dirty, disgusting kid.
When I was still a young man, I was at an outdoor party away from the group, looking for a place to relieve myself, when I heard blood-curdling screams coming from an abandoned house nearby. A young girl had been raped and was being tortured to death like in the most graphic horror movie scene ever. The girl survived, just barely, and the guys got life sentences. That night I saw "toxic" male behavior at its worst. I would say the worst that human beings can do to another human being.
That's my C-PTSD story. I have had great difficulty coping in intimate, romantic relationships because of the hurt I've seen inflicted by misguided sexual desires from both sides of the gender divide.
I know that this doesn't in anyway make up or excuse all of the harm that has been done over the melinium by out-of-control, uninhibited, "toxic" males. Its just my story. Thruthfully, sometimes I'm ashamed to be a man. I just wanna be a human being.
The end. I'm gonna crawl off into the sunset and hope that continued therapy will release me from my prison.
One man's experience:
I was sexually abused, repeatedly, by my narcissistic mother. The most aggressive, overt sexual abuse occured from my earliest memories until I was six years old. I was made to do things to her, which I won't describe here, and then told I was disgusting and dirty for doing those very things.
As I grew older the abuse changed to a less aggressive, more covert nature. I was not allowed to have a lock on my bedroom door and she would often burst into my room when she knew I was changing clothes. But her favorite pastime was to walk around the house, when it was just me and her there, in her underwear or in very revealing, see-through lingerie. Before I reached puberty, I was simply embarrased and felt uncomfortable. After puberty, I began to enjoy seeing her exhibitions and would fantisize about what girls that I was attracted to at school would look like wearing those things. But the fantasy would be very brief because I was always sickened and horrified that I could look at my mother, whom I loathed, in that way. I hated her for her narcissistic, controlling behavior and for the many forms of abuse she subjected me to. How could I look at her?
As I continued to mature, I was frightened by and ashamed of my growing sexual desires. I had fully incorporated into my sense of self what I'd been repeatedly told throughout my chilhood - that I was a dirty, disgusting kid.
When I was still a young man, I was at an outdoor party away from the group, looking for a place to relieve myself, when I heard blood-curdling screams coming from an abandoned house nearby. A young girl had been raped and was being tortured to death like in the most graphic horror movie scene ever. The girl survived, just barely, and the guys got life sentences. That night I saw "toxic" male behavior at its worst. I would say the worst that human beings can do to another human being.
That's my C-PTSD story. I have had great difficulty coping in intimate, romantic relationships because of the hurt I've seen inflicted by misguided sexual desires from both sides of the gender divide.
I know that this doesn't in anyway make up or excuse all of the harm that has been done over the melinium by out-of-control, uninhibited, "toxic" males. Its just my story. Thruthfully, sometimes I'm ashamed to be a man. I just wanna be a human being.
The end. I'm gonna crawl off into the sunset and hope that continued therapy will release me from my prison.