Hello
I have always been rather meek and terrified of standing up for myself, with a lot of resentment that would build up and fester. Then something small would happen, the straw and the camels back, and I would shock myself so much I would run back under my shame rock.
Over the last five years or so, the industry I have worked in has exposed me to a lot of 'tough nuts', and TBH really didnt allow me to be passive anymore, I had to toughen up. But that was super hard and its been a long, long process. But I feel like I have gradually got more comfy with protecting boundaries, and not being afraid to say "piss off" when I need to even if it makes me feel tense as * and unpleasant for some time after.
case in point, today one of those annoying people who try to sell you things on the street came up to me. I said "No thank you I have an appointment", which is my standard line as I never want to buy anything, but dont like to be rude. This time though the guy looked at me and in a pretty condescending, teacherly tone said "who with?". In the past I would have made some weak * joke and felt like an idiot, but instead said "None of your bloody business!" and said a swear under my breath. A bunch of people turned round and looked at him. Was quite fun.
Its only small and probably something most people don't even think about, but that is so far from "me" that it really felt like progress. Not having to put up with people who don't respect boundaries, being able to tolerate the discomfort of standing up for myself. I still feel like someone is strangling my insides for an hour after, but at least I am doing it :cheer:
Biscuits
Good for you!!!!! :applause:
Biscuits said: "It's only small..."
There is no 'small' when it comes to walking this road. The small is only indicative of how we were trained to disregard our own being.