Messages

[T]

My life is a tangle of knots.
The stories I tell you
Anger and sadness
Needs and desires
Grip on reality
Lies that I created
Emotions from my past
Disturbing images and dreams
I continue to create these knots.  I hold the tangle tight because it is better than becoming unraveled.

-Deep Blue

Phoebes,
I never put that I have a disability because I do not feel I have one.  In my opinion I have an injury of the mind. I am diagnosed with CPTSD, panic disorder, and depression.

I do not feel you are being dishonest.  New jobs can be a stressful time and may bring up some triggers.  With that said, triggers are probably something you have dealt with most of your life.  (I know I have). During those times it's not that I am disabled but distracted. Hope that makes sense

Good luck
Deep Blue

Karbon,
The thoughtfulness of these journals is eye opening to me.  I admire your clarity and conviction.  Your ability to express what is in your heart is unique.  Thanks for letting us share in your journey.

Deep Blue

Hello Etherley,
welcome to the forum.  Yes it gets better, yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This is a long arduous journey and I have found that when I try to rush recovery I stumble.  I am learning that baby steps still get us places.  I understand that compulsion to want to get better quickly, but the truth is, our trauma took place over a long time.  We need to heal from the inside out and not just put a bandaid on it. 

Warm wishes 

I like Rain's idea too.

but maybe someone did hear you - and you may have made a difference to them - it's so hard to know how people react

I agree with Hope. A little boy told me once about his theory "tree of telling" and it was so insightful for a 9 year old.  He said if one person understands they can pass on that information to another who tell someone else and then you end up with a whole branch of people that know and understand.  You never know how everyone reacted.  To one person you could have made a huge difference.  One person could have been profoundly effected by you.

That's what pushes me as a teacher.  I may not have all the answers. Students may not remember all the material I teach them in class, but I hope they will remember how I made them feel.

Much love Radical,
Safe  if it's ok

Hey wasabi,
Cool name.  I echo what blueberry said.  Post where you feel comfortable.  Welcome to the forum 

Hello Megwyn,
I like what you said about boom and bust.  I feel myself doing the same.  One of the positives I've learned from this forum is when I am in a "bust" I don't have to suffer it alone.
Welcome 

Blueberry,
Take it easy and do what you need to do for you.  Give those furries some extra loving too.  Fun fact, petting animals releases oxytocin (the love hormone) I'm glad that you are able to believe that this too shall pass.  It shows you are getting stronger.   

Boat,
I see you are having a really tough time.  I know that feeling of loneliness.  That feeling where your heart hurts. You are not a failure, a reject or worthless.  You have worth here and I'm sure in other areas of your life as well.  You are in a rough patch and it makes it hard to see these things about yourself.  Your words have helped me in the past.  You have given me perspective that I really need to hear. You don't need to feel alone, you have us 

Hello MellowMelody,

Recovery has been long, slow, and sometimes cyclical. I am mostly able to mask that there is anything wrong with me. Most people would be shocked to know of the deep pain that is inside me, the deep pain that childhood abandonment causes.

What you said really resonated with me.  People would be shocked if they knew what goes on in my mind.  I also have several masks I wear.  Welcome to the forum. I think you will find the people here very insightful, nonjudgmental and helpful as you are on this journey.

Littlebirdy,
I'm so sorry.  Maybe you can live with a friend over the summer? Maybe you can get a job so you don't have to stay home much?  Is there any way you could get a job on campus? Just some suggestions.

Elphanigh,
This journal is not rambling.  It makes perfect sense to me.  Another member of the forum said this to me and is a quote I have kept close to my heart.  The vilest predators are attracted to the brightest lights.  I suspect you are a wonderful flute player.  I suspect listening to you would give me goosebumps.  Busy and crazy few days for you so I'm just sending you some love, compassion and support
Deep Blue

Welcome 

Categorizations and rankings are an effort of the mind to minimize the painful experiences, but whatever form of abuse is referenced, the commonality is they all involve emotions. Every type draws on or from the emotions one way or another.

Very well said woodsgnome.  I agree with you here.