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I had the weirdest emotional flashback today and honestly I just needed to vent about it.

First, I was mad at my partner because he went out and said he was coming back. Well, he took an hour and a half. When something like that happens I begin to panic. Like what if he got in a car crash? If he was going to late wouldn't he have told me? It just came out of no where. I knew that I didn't feel right so I did that tapping video that someone on here shared with me.

While doing the tapping video, I just remembered every time my Mom would do that. My Mom would leave my bi-polar addict uncle one of my psychopathic aunts to watch me. I've thought about that before and how angry it made me, but then I remembered something else.

When I got older, I use to have to babysit. Sometimes this same uncle or another psychotic family member would be watching us also. However, I just remembered all these times was spent watching my sister. I didn't matter if my Mom was just going for a night out or for a week long vacation to Florida. From the second my Mom left till the second she got back my sister would just cry and be a complete melt down. My sister would hold her breath till she would pass out. It was awful. I would have to cook when she was gone so one time I remembered I made sauce to go on some steaks. I remember adding wine to the sauce and not cooking it because I thought it would make my sister pass out. It did. It was the only peace I had when she left me to watch her for a week straight. I was 14 and my sister must have been 9.

Just my whole body felt on fire. Just awful. Taking the rest of the night with my partner to relax thankfully.

I was wondering if anyone had any book suggestions for those who know someone with CPTSD. I was in particular looking for something for my partner and another family member. Thanks

I can't find the thread about issues with sleeping. I found this article about the 8-hour sleep myth. http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-16964783

I was wondering if anyone had any book suggestions for inner child work? Or links? I read some of the other posts about letter writing. Is there a certain state of mind or level of recovery needed for starting this kind of work? Or is this mostly done with a therapist? Curious.

Hey all, I know there are some therapies listed on here, but I thought I would share Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I have found the techniques very helpful. The main one is understanding our through process, language, and taking power away from thoughts. I went to a ACT lecture last week and I learned that 80-90% of our thoughts (with any mental illness or not) are negative!

Here's the website: http://contextualscience.org/about_act

Also, they have tons of book suggestions. They even have suggestions of books that others have recommended to me on here!

Hope it is okay that I post this here. Has anyone seen Mortified Nation or The Mortified Sessions? They are both on Netflix. They have people read their childhood journals on stage. Trigger warning if you decide to watch. It's inspiring, funny, sad, and all of the above. My favorite thing about the movie is that even though some of the people in it have had terrible childhood abuse, they also are able to find the small things that made life worth living. It inspired me to start journaling again as an adult. Enjoy!

I know it is pretty common with C-PTSD to struggle with a sense of safety. I guess I'm not necessarily feeling unsafe in regards to my partner or home, but I just have this underlying fear all the time that just seems irrational and superstitious.

For example, my partner and I were upstairs in our home taking a nap and when we came downstairs the front door was wide open. It was also night time. I immediately panicked thinking someone must be in the house. My partner has dealt with me in "fear mode" before and he checked the entire house with me. I then proceeded to check the house just incase. The whole situation made me feel uneasy for the rest of the night. I could hardly sleep. Every noise might be someone. I kept thinking if I shut my eyes and rest then I might not notice something.

I feel when these types of situations come up I start to feel superstitious, like if I don't check the house, or stay awake, etc. something might happen. I keep a baseball bat next to my bed to calm my nerves, but it really doesn't work. I'm just tired of having this sense of paranoia and fear that something bad is going to happen. I was wondering if anyone has had to deal with this or has any advice.

Thanks in advance. I'm happy to be part of a community that is so open, loving, and nonjudgmental. It is incredibly healing to be open. 

I met up with a friend from high school the other day, and we were talking about how we didn't understand that we were being abused as children. Both of us come from comfortable middle class families. We talked about how when we were in high school, even though we felt our parents were saying or doing things that were abusive, we could not see ourselves as victims because our basic needs were being met (food, clothing, shelter, etc.). I remember often thinking to myself when i was a teenager that what I was going through wasn't abuse because there was someone worse off than I was.

I was curious if anyone ever faced these same feelings at any point? Or if you just always knew that you were being maltreated or that your feelings were justified.

Hi all. I decided to join this forum because I have found it helpful to connect with others who have C-PTSD.

My family situation was chaotic as a child. I come from a big family and although my Mom was the one causing most of my abuse, I still had many family members who were substance abusers and there is a hx of sexual abuse in my family. My Mom has never been diagnosed with anything. She's an alcoholic, a liar, a manipulator. Scapegoating, gas lighting, isolation, were a large part of my childhood. My Mom tried to convince I was schizophrenic (I am not) and she still tries to treat me as if I'm delusional about the abuse I suffered. I was the scapegoat for every family holiday or event that didn't go as planned. My Mom would get drunk and be angry and mean. She was also physically abusive. She at one point was a teacher in a psych hospital and whenever I was angry, sad, or upset she would hold me in this death grip until I would stop fighting her. She would pin me down and have my siblings tickle me until I couldn't breath. I was always on diets, and my Mom once wanted to take me to the doctor to see if they could make me grow taller. My Dad is a drug addict, and the only one in my family who believed my Mom was abusing me until my step-dad started being abused. My Mom has held him at gun point and is frequently violent with him.

I have always wanted to completely cut off my relationship with her, but I am very close with my step-dad and my siblings (who she didn't abuse in quite the same way). She has really brainwashed my siblings. I am the oldest, and when I was in college they refused to talk to me for long periods of time because my Mom told them I was stealing their child support money from my Dad. Obviously not true, and I don't know how that would be possible. So if I want to spend time with other family members, its a necessary evil to deal with her. However, if things get out of hand I leave. When uncomfortable conversations arise I refuse to talk at all, and it usually stops. I have figured out some tools for my box, but I am interested in learning other ways to deal with it.

Look forward to chatting with you all