Conflict with friends: advice pls

[samantha19]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable here and I need advice.
I just had a conflict with two of my "friends" and I'm not sure if
I'm the bad person and in the wrong or not.
I have fears I am becoming narcissistic (but I always fear this on and off, and I once done a test online and found I'm so not narcissistic it's basically dangerous, lol).

Okay so I recently moved just over half an hours travelling time away from my previous location.
There are about six of us in my "close friend" group.
Thing is we don't always get along and maybe I should just accept that I am different from them now, we have grown up and drifted a bit some of us and things have changed.
I'm just upset because I've been moved out for four weeks now and still none of these "friends" have came to visit me.
I tried to arrange a moving in party for a date that mostly everyone could make it but the excuses started rolling in, ending up in only 2 from this group being sure of coming and one with an excuse leading to a maybe.
Last night one sure person messages saying she isn't going to bother, because she wouldn't be drinking and we were planning to go out. I quite truthfully said that I started the group chat to ask what others wanted to do so we could have stayed in if she'd said, and that it wouldn't need to cost much money, it would be quite cheap to get the train. And we can still sit in for about 5 hours.
The other sure girl asked if everyone wanted to go to a local club instead, too, and everyone kind of went with that. Funny how drinking sober is suddenly okay then.
I just felt really abandoned and upset and depressed.
When I kept pointing out how their excuses weren't really valid the two sure girls got really annoyed with me for making them feel guilty and not understanding. They kept firing out more excuses like it won't be a good night without everyone else (which is kind of hurtful tbh).
I sent a big long message back explaining why I was upset and saying it's fine I get it don't want to argue bye then leaving the chat.

Thing is they're right, I was being very upset and expressing it, but that's because I felt that way it wasn't intended to guilt. I was just expressing myself. I know I could have been fake and pretended it never bothered me, but it did. I was upset.

I just kept pointing out the how invalid their excuses were, which is truthful, if awkward, and expressing annoyance.
And I ended up saying things like "I guess I'm just too far away for anyone to bother I get it" which makes me sound very sorry for myself, and like I am trying to make people feel bad for me.
But I wasn't, I was just expressing how I genuinely felt, but because of my past and what they were saying (they both started sending lots of messages together, clearly annoyed with me) I can feel like this is my fault / this is something wrong with me.
Like maybe I shouldn't be expecting them to visit, and getting upset over it. It's their lives, if they don't want to make effort with me they don't have to. But they said they would definitely come for quite a while there and let me down on the day. I just keep getting let down. Surely friends are supposed to make effort sometimes. But maybe this is my fault and I'm not a good enough friend either. I try to find ways to blame myself. But idk, it doesn't seem fair. It's not like I've done anything noticeably wrong to then.

I'm just seeking some advice on if I am wrong, if they are wrong, or neither. I trust you people here and my brain is a scrambled mess rn.

[Dutch Uncle]

Oh dear, I can relate.
Situations like this suck. 

Upfront a summary of the possible TLDR-reply I'm going to post: No, you did nothing wrong and I understand/relate to you feeling annoyed with your friends and relate as well/understand the whole "Is this me?"-self-guilt emotion tied to it.

I have fears I am becoming narcissistic (but I always fear this on and off, and I once done a test online and found I'm so not narcissistic it's basically dangerous, lol).

Congrats, then you are not a narc. 

Thing is we don't always get along and maybe I should just accept that I am different from them now, we have grown up and drifted a bit some of us and things have changed.

You are definitely different, and while friendship is founded on common ground, that doesn't negate the fact that one is still also 'different', a separate person.
I find it hard myself to wrap my head around that concept, but I also know it to be true.
And yes, things change, circumstances change and people change. Sometime we or them can adapt and remain connected, sometimes not.
We evolve. All of us.

I tried to arrange a moving in party for a date that mostly everyone could make it but the excuses started rolling in, ending up in only 2 from this group being sure of coming and one with an excuse leading to a maybe.
Last night one sure person messages saying she isn't going to bother,

When I kept pointing out how their excuses weren't really valid the two sure girls got really annoyed with me for making them feel guilty and not understanding. They kept firing out more excuses like it won't be a good night without everyone else (which is kind of hurtful tbh).

Yep.

Thing is they're I'm right, I was being very upset and expressing it, but that's because I felt that way it wasn't intended to guilt. I was just expressing myself. I know I could have been fake and pretended it never bothered me, but it did. I was upset.

Right! You go girl.

I just kept pointing out the how invalid their excuses were, which is truthful, if awkward, and expressing annoyance.
And I ended up saying things like "I guess I'm just too far away for anyone to bother I get it" which makes me sound very sorry for myself, and like I am trying to make people feel bad for me.

Understandable, but quite probably you could have done without that follow up.
Not that I fare much better in situations like this, but I find that I myself feel better afterwards if I 'simply' express I feel disappointed as I was looking forward to the event, and thought I could count on them being there with me, as I made clear by inviting them in the first place/organizing the event to begin with.
A useful tool in situations like this is JADE - Don't Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain as it can lead to the other side engaging in
***link might be triggering to (sexual) abuse ***
DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender

Saying so doesn't guarantee a more satisfactory outcome.

But I wasn't, I was just expressing how I genuinely felt, but because of my past and what they were saying (they both started sending lots of messages together, clearly annoyed with me)

Do you mean they practically started a private conversation with each other with you being witness to this?
If so: 

I can feel like this is my fault / this is something wrong with me. Like maybe I shouldn't be expecting them to visit, and getting upset over it.

No! They said they would surely come, so you had to expect them! Off course you didn't have an attitude of: "Hmmm, I'll see if I actually will be available that day/evening. I might well have something better to do." They made a commitment to come, and off course you expect they will follow through on it. That they bailed out at the very last moment is their doing, not yours.

It's their lives, if they don't want to make effort with me they don't have to.

True, but that doesn't mean you have to take the fall for it.

But they said they would definitely come for quite a while there and let me down on the day.

Indeed.

I They just keep getting let me down. (?)

Don't they? Or am I reading to much in it.
They definitely let you down in this specific event.

Surely friends are supposed to make effort sometimes.

Well, they are not so much supposed to make an effort (though it helps the friendship/relationship if they do) but they certainly need to follow through on the effort they committed themselves to.

But maybe this is my fault and I'm not a good enough friend either. I try to find ways to blame myself.

In this particular case, you certainly were being a good friend by inviting them over to your new residence. And to me it sounds they try to blame you for being disappointed they didn't show up.
Retorical question: who wants to be friends with somebody who doesn't care if you show up or not?

But idk, it doesn't seem fair. It's not like I've done anything noticeably wrong to then.

It isn't fair that they didn't show up. Period.

I'm just seeking some advice on if I am wrong, if they are wrong, or neither. I trust you people here and my brain is a scrambled mess rn.

You are not wrong. You are disappointed, and understandably so.
As for advice?
Don't beat yourself up over this.
Two of the six did not keep their promises/commitment. That sucks. And it has been completely their doing, not yours.

[samantha19]

(This is a very long reply so feel free to not read it all! I use this place like therapy sometimes aha)

Thanks for being a voice of reason.

I do think I could use more calm in dealing with conflict, so I will check out those links. Thanks :-)

I think you're right about the self blame. This situation obviously triggered me to an extent. And I became very self pitying and upset like everyone dislikes me / I must be awful.

I could have expressed myself better I guess by being clear with how I felt instead of just pointing out why their excuses were invalid and sulking.

Yeah they let me down and that is pretty crappy. And I don't like how they turned it all around on me, but like you've said that's people becoming defensive etc when someone is upset.

I feel if I could be more calm in these situations I could express myself better. but at the same time I do recall telling them they could have told me in advance and we could have changed plans and that's when one friend started being cheeky, adding "lol" to the end of her scentence and being defensive.

I just find it rude as well that someone would come into the group chat I made for my flat warming plans and arrange for us to go somewhere local (to them) instead. That's kind of inconsiderate.

And to answer your question no they didn't have a conversation between themselves they both just started attacking me at once and agreeing with each other about the way I was apparently being. (I say attacking I don't know if that's too harsh a word I just mean they were both annoyed with me and decided I was being a certain way, and started sending message after message which stressed me out.)

Oh well. Two of my other friends have said they'll still come and we can go out. I'm feeling a bit better and I plan to work on staying calm and clear in any conflicting situations and also being sure of what I will and won't accept as decent behaviour so I am sure of myself and don't need to be indirect about things or blame myself in these situations.

I don't really like all of my "friend" group tbh. That sounds strange but we just don't all click, they can be inconsiderate and nasty about other people, and we've had our arguments in the past where nasty things were said which was quite upsetting. One of them isn't very good to people she dates (chronic cheater and lies about it, used her last bf I think as dumped him after a holiday) and I don't like that, but I don't really break away because these are people I am used to and I have social anxiety so it's harder to meet other people who I click with better. Plus I'm a people pleaser so I want to have friends and be liked and not detach myself sometimes. But it's coming.

I'm realising that I should consider what I really want in life / who to surround myself with more.

I also agree with you that friends don't have to make effort, as much as it helps, but they shouldn't give you false hope and let you down last minute like that either. Nor be so inconsiderate about it and act quite how mines did.

Sorry for the long ramble, just working out my feelings here :p thanks again! (If you're still reading haha)

[Dutch Uncle]

thanks again! (If you're still reading haha)

I did. 

I just find it rude as well that someone would come into the group chat I made for my flat warming plans and arrange for us to go somewhere local (to them) instead. That's kind of inconsiderate.

Very inconsiderate.

And to answer your question no they didn't have a conversation between themselves they both just started attacking me at once and agreeing with each other about the way I was apparently being.

I don't really like all of my "friend" group tbh. That sounds strange but we just don't all click, they can be inconsiderate and nasty about other people, and we've had our arguments in the past where nasty things were said which was quite upsetting. One of them isn't very good to people she dates (chronic cheater and lies about it, used her last bf I think as dumped him after a holiday) and I don't like that, but I don't really break away because these are people I am used to and I have social anxiety so it's harder to meet other people who I click with better. Plus I'm a people pleaser so I want to have friends and be liked and not detach myself sometimes. But it's coming.

That does sound like there are at least some 'friends' who are not very pleasant and considerate.
The people pleasing? I can relate, and yes it's difficult to say goodbye to 'friends' if it's not easy to make new ones.

Oh well. Two of my other friends have said they'll still come and we can go out.

Great! 
There's even a chance they rather prefer to go out with you without the two 'friends' who just pulled the stunt on you...

The best of luck in your new hometown. There have to be nice people around there. 

[samantha19]

Thanks !

My friends came and we had a really good night. One even told me they were completely on my side but just didn't want to get involved in the chat, but it really bothered them.

It's nice to realise you're not actually the one in the wrong when your brain is like ahhh I must be terribly flawed.

Thanks again <3 hope all goes well with you

[Dutch Uncle]

Great news!

I'm OK, thanks for asking.