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 Thanks for the welcome everybody! 

mutualsoul, for sure its been a little longer than that for me. In the past couple of months accidentally started reading and learning about narcissism and sociopathy. When I first started reading, I kept getting triggered and couldn't understand why. But I kept reading and the more I read, the more I wondered who these people were who had apparently been living my life. Our stories were so similar it amazed me! I still sometimes have trouble believing that so many people have had the exact same experiences I've had! But its good to know I'm not alone and that it wasn't my fault. This has been such a relief to me.

I had already been diagnosed with PTSD several years ago but recently my therapist mentioned that I exhibit signs of PTSD. I said, "You mean CPTSD?" And she said, "Yes. That's the new one." So over the weekend I was on Out of  the Fog and clicked on the CPTSD tab which brought me here. So here I am; trying to research CPTSD and learn as much as possible about it - especially treatments.

Again, thanks for the warm welcomes and know I truly am trying to get there from here 

Thank you for your response and your kind words. I've never heard of the counting method but see how it would be beneficial. And you're quite correct. This feeling is so frightening I can only experience for seconds at a time. Almost in a flash. Just enough to recognize it and quickly tuck it back away. Sometimes I really wish I could grab hold of it and keep it in my consciousness long enough to begin to examine it. But every time I try, I get so frightened and my brain get so paralyzed, I end up putting it away again 

But counting with my therapist truly might work. I remember thinking last night that this feeling is one I might be able to delve into if someone else was there to hold my hand and remind me that I'm going to be okay. That sounds kinda childish but that's what came to me last night. I will be sure to ask during my next therapy session (in about a week). It will probably surprise my therapist because it will be a first for me - being able to ask for help (that's a difficult thing for me to do). But what do I have to lose here?

Also, I wonder if this might have something to do with this hopeless feeling. For the past month or so, I've had a pretty big decision facing me. It would be life altering -- not something as simple as what to have for dinner -- but about selling everything I have and moving to another state. That would be a really big change for me! I also realize that the person most interested in me moving will be extremely hurt and angry should I decide not to move. Whereas I don't want to hurt anybody and don't like people being angry with me (people pleasing?), I truly don't feel like this move would be in my best interest. It wouldn't even be a lateral move but a move backwards! And that concerns me!! My next big hurdle will be in having to tell this person that I've decided not to move. I don't recall ever saying anything more about moving other than it was something to consider. I've now considered it and don't feel its in my best interest at this time. Its actually telling this person that's the issue right now.

But I am certainly going to mention the counting method to my therapist! The more I think about it, the better and more confident I feel that its an approach well worth taking and something she might want to use with her other clients as well. Thanks for bringing it to my attention! At this point, almost anything is worth a try!

Light and love to you 

awakeningeagle,

I was watching a show the other night (it may have been Mysteries at the Museum) and it showed a bronze statue of Sigmund Freud. It caught my attention since I didn't really know much about him other than him being the father of psychotherapy and such. It went on to explain how, in his later life, Freud developed jaw cancer and due to the pain and expensive treatment, became debilitated and had to give up seeing most of his clients as well as his research.

About this time, someone gave him a chow (I think it was a chow) dog and he immediately bonded with it and it with him. His depression all but disappeared and he was able to resume seeing his clients. His chow was even allowed to sit in on his sessions with his clients! He realized what a profound effect his dog had, not only on himself, but on his clients. Its presence made the sessions seem much less formal and had a calming effect on his clients and made them more open and more willing to discuss difficult issues during their sessions. Unfortunately he died before he was able to do much research or to document the benefits on pets on mental health.

I just thought that was really interesting. We are now becoming more aware of those benefits and starting to take advantage of them. I have two rescues myself. One is extremely lively and just full of positive energy. The other is much more laid back and easy going. It seems to me that no matter how bad I'm feeling or how bad my day, the more lively dog will do something goofy that makes me laugh and I'll feel better. Their unconditional love is simply amazing and certainly something I've never experienced in my life.

So keep your dogs! Keep showering them with all that love you have inside. I know from personal experience just how therapeutic and beneficial just having them around can be! They will love you with or without fancy clothes and makeup. They'll love you in tears or laughing. They really don't care if you're not at your best right now. They love you anyway and every way!!

Wow...I just love this thread! And     

I can go to work but usually by the time I get there, I am soaking wet with sweat, having difficulty breathing, knots in my stomach, and have had to talk myself out of calling in sick at least 10 times. Weirdest part is, I have a job I love and know how to do quite well. I should have absolutely no anxiety about the job itself!

If I can feel this awful about doing something I'm familiar with and love, you can imagine how it magnifies when I try to face doing something unfamiliar, even with other people! I'm an introvert anyway and need lots of silence and down time but to have absolutely no social life at all is really, really aggravating!

My therapist asked me recently if I wouldn't like to have someone in my life to hang out with - go to dinner, movies, whatever. Of course I would! What she didn't do was to help me know how to get started on finding these people. That first step is simply impossible for me to take. No matter how hard I try. Just the thought of going out and being around strangers causes me great anxiety.

But I guess being able to go to work and have at least some interaction with other people is about all I can do for now. "We are doing the best that we can in this moment." That's a powerful mantra and has just become mine  Thanks for posting it and reminding me to be as gentle with myself as I am with other people.

Light and love to all 

I'm kinda new here and not sure if this is the right place for this post. If it isn't, please feel free to move it to where it belongs.

Recently I've become aware of this feeling of hopelessness (helplessness, powerlessness). It isn't the kind that results in me being suicidal or anything like that. Its just there and its very frightening to me because it makes me feel like I'm going to lose control or something and lose my mind. Does that make sense? It makes my mind feel scrambled and paralyzed  .

I've tried being quiet and 'being with' this feeling and inviting it to overwhelm me and flow through me. Every time I try this, something in me pulls back and retreats in fear. Its like its so intense I can't even approach it even though I know I'm safe and things in my life are good (I have a home, a car, a job, food; everything I need) and I am okay. I've tried distracting myself without becoming addicted to the distraction (watching videos, movies, watching tennis, reading, etc.).

I have anxiety every day, all day so I know it isn't that. Its the same as but different than. I wish I could accurately describe it but words fail me.

I am currently taking a mild anti-depressant (20 mgs a day) and hate to think about increasing the dose. I decided at the beginning of this journey that I would never be able to get to the end of it if I was numb. I am also in therapy and last week my therapist suggested that I exhibit signs of someone with PTSD. When I corrected her and said CPTSD, she agreed and mumbled something about, oh yes, that's the newer one. I know she's been doing research and is trying her best to help but I sometimes wonder if possibly there simply is NO help and this is just something I'll need to learn to accept and live with. I hope not since it truly is a terribly painful and almost debilitating situation!

nmg, its weird but I never knew there was any other way to feel either. Like you, I have some relatively 'normal' days, too but they're few and far between.

But here's something I recently found out: I was having FBs forever (ok, well it sure seems like forever) and didn't know it. The difference between now and before it that I'm 'aware' of them and that's a really good thing. Before 'they' were troubling me and I didn't even know it. Now 'they're' still troubling me but at least I am aware of what 'they' are. Getting to the point where we become aware of our FBs is a good thing (painful as *, but good) because now we can begin the process of healing them. As long as they remained buried, they were not being dealt with because we didn't even know about them.

Hang in there and know you're getting better and that becoming aware of FBs is really a big step. Its a painful step for sure, but its a big step. It might help if you try writing your FBs down when they occur to reference later. I even write down what I was doing, who was with me or if I was alone, and what I was feeling immediately before and immediately afterwards.

Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint but we're at least getting off the start line now and that's better than we were doing when we didn't even know there was a race!

Light and love to you today and always

Thanks for the welcome VeryFoggy and Trees 

Funny thing, I got a sample of the book you both mentioned and started reading it today. Guess I'll go ahead now and get the full version (Kindle). Its always nice to read a book by someone who has direct experience with the subject of the book.

I probably won't be posting much at first until I kind of get familiar with the site but so far, it looks like I'll be hanging out here quite a bit. I really appreciate the time and energy it must be taking to maintain the site and know it will help me on my journey.

Best to both of you on your journeys and thanks again 

Hi all,

This is my first post here. Earlier this week, during therapy, my therapist mentioned that I seem to have symptoms of CPTSD. I am currently taking medication for PTSD but still think there may be something more involved. The medication has been helping and I've been in therapy for almost two years as well as taking the medication (it was originally given to me for anxiety attacks). I've been doing some research on CPTSD but am still not sure I know what it is or what to do about it. So that's why I'm here.

Several years ago I left a 12-year relationship with a NPD'd person and am still trying to recover. I've been making really good progress in that area but still have emotional flashbacks as well as emotional flashbacks to my childhood and my narcissistic mother. I'm going to start reading and researching here as well as elsewhere and see what I can discover.

Thanks for sponsoring this site for those of us who know 'something' is still not quite 'right' with us but are making every attempt to recover.