My awareness of my cptsd and codependency came to the fore with the death of my Mother four years ago, following a prolonged (8 year) decline due to a series of strokes. Stripped bare, I suddenly had to deal with all of the feelings and layers of pain that I had stuffed for over 50 years. Since then, I have made substantial progress in my healing journey.
Now, I am coping with what seems to be one in a series of health challenges that my wife is experiencing. I am working to remain grounded, and in her eyes I am doing a remarkable job being kind, loving, and attentive. To me, however, the daily work of staying grounded is nearly too much to bear. I am aware of my tendency to give too much, so am making sure to keep doing nurturing things for myself (running, reading, seeing friends). But the illness is nearly constantly bringing on a cascading series of EFs and even daily meditation cannot generally bring me back to myself.
I just wanted to share this part of my struggle with those on this site, as it helps to get it off my chest and perhaps can open a door to another who is also supporting loved one who is ill. I will come out of this stronger than before, but as my byline says, the commitment truly is daily.
So sorry to hear what you're going thru now. I send to you my warmest thoughts and wishes for peace and healing for you both. :hug:
I am so sorry to hear this JDog. I knew your wife was having medical issues but not that it was affecting you so much. I can only imagine though that the EFs have increased.
FWIW it sounds like you are doing things to keep as grounded and well as you can in the midst of all this including coming here for support. I hope you will continue to do so if/when you're up to it. :hug:
Would an online caregivers support group also be helpful do you think? Just a thought.
Thank you both for your support. In answer to your question, Kizzie, I don't think I need an ongoing support group at this time but I appreciate the thought. If there are others out there who feel they may need such a group I would be happy to contribute my support.
The self care you are practicing is something to be emulated.
It's hard to keep the mask on when it is cracking. We are here to listen, that sounds like what you need. Friends who care.
Thank you so much, Dee. Both she and I are doing better now.
Glad to hear you're both doing better JDog! :thumbup: and :hug:
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