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Is there any type of review board, or some governing body that holds therapists accountable? I know there is such an organization for doctors, but not therapists. I've only seen a few therapists, but they've left a negative impression on me, and scared me away from getting help I need.

In the interest of both protecting others, and for a better chance next time, any sort of system that holds therapists accountable would be really helpful.

Thanks, this is helpful. The more I talk to others about it, the more it becomes clear I should find a different therapist.

Unfortunately Blueberry, this is exactly what I am accustomed to from religious folks. They offer help to the community, open of course to all denominations as well as atheists. However, once you're in the program, their religion takes over, and some of the therapy is directly from their holy books (and prayer of course). I walked in to their trap again!  This is so frustrating, no wonder why I gave up ...

To end on a positive note, I haven't been there for long, so they haven't had a chance to do a lot of damage this time around!

That's terrible Dee! Hopefully you come to some resolution you are at peace with soon.

I agree that writing it down is a good first step. With it being such a difficult thing for you, perhaps taking small steps will help. A lot of times we don't see that something can be done in many small steps, instead of one leap. I know I make this oversight a lot in my life. I encourage you to write it down, and try to feel accomplished that you have taken a step forward. If you can take it with you to therapy immediately, great! If you can't, that is totally fine. That can be another step you can be proud of later. You don't need to show it to your therapist as soon as you bring it, if that is too difficult either.

Another thing that might be helpful is to try to realize things are okay! Whatever it is, it's okay. A lot of times I get so worked up over something, but in time I learn to deal with it, and I realize later that it would have been easier if I was less emotional about it. Sometimes when I'm really upset, I just repeat to myself over and over "it's okay!" I don't mean to diminish what you've been through, but to point out that you as a person are bigger than whatever it is. One of the beauties of life is that we are still experiencing it, and that means things can still improve!

If you're comfortable with it, please keep us informed on how it goes. I'll be cheering for you! 

In short, I am strictly an anti-theist. Not only did religion play a large role in my childhood abuse, but I have quite a few problems with it on an intellectual level, as well.

I expect most religious therapists are good people, trying to live a good life, and help others, but there's no way I can see a religious therapist helping me through it all. While it's probably unfair of me, they're one of the "religious bad guys" in my mind, and their (probably well meaning) "god bless you"s and "I'm praying for you"s just trigger more defensive reactions in me, undermining the therapeutic process.

It's difficult to say I'm against religion (there's a lot of negative social attitudes towards us), and even more difficult to say that despite someone's intents and desires, they're actually doing more harm than good. I doubt any of them even understand that.

Is there anyone here who has dealt with this situation before? Do you have any advice on how to best work through it?

Yeah, I get what you're saying. I'm not really sure what to reply though, I've started a few and erased them already.

Do you have experiences where this has been true? You don't need to reply to me if you're not comfortable of course, it's more something for you to think about.

My brain sees cruelty as normal and kindness as danger? 

Maybe your brain is not so twisted, and just reacting to what has happened in the past (maybe still happens). I think with a lot of this stuff, we need to not only retrain our minds, but stay in situations in which a "normal" mindset is a healthy one. Where such extreme defense mechanisms aren't needed to stay safe.

There have been some good points here, such as try not to think (or at least realize) that everything is about you. For the most part, people are primarily worried about their own lives.

Another thing that may help is to try not to put so much consideration in to what one person's opinion is. Even if this person was whispering because of you (which is unlikely), what actual impact does that have on your life? Does she have any control over you, like setting your grades? If not, then it is not worth such concern.

There's a saying I've known for many years that goes "Out of 7 billion + people in the world, not everyone likes one another." I try to find some consolation in that. A lot of things are personal preference, and if one person doesn't like something/someone, that is more about their preference than the actual thing/person.

Hopefully that helps. I'm not really sure how to emotionally process it all, so I can't offer any advice on that. Maybe a song and dance will help you smile?   

Wow BlancaLap... It's really sobering to hear you are going through similar. I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy.

I would love to give you some better answers if I knew them, but I'm still trying to figure it all out. Perhaps we can try to figure it out together.

Thanks, this gives me some things to think about. I'm going to think about this some more.

Thank you so much, that is amazing! I cannot describe how relieved that makes me feel.

When there's much of a confrontation (how much varies depending on the situation), I literally cannot speak! I keep telling people this (before or after), and no one seems to understand that I literally cannot make words, and they don't even seem to notice when it happens! It's made me feel so alone and insane (weird, abnormal? something like that).

I am nearly crying from the feeling that it's not just me, as it has always seemed.

Thank you again.

I'm really new to the concept of emotional flashbacks, and until now I've thought only my absolute worst episodes were flashbacks... but from reading some of the other posts here, I think people identify more than just the absolute worst as a flashback, so I've been wondering about some other things and trying to figure them out as well.

To have a flashback, things must be different now, right? How about something where you have never developed a better understanding/reaction?

For example, I can't stand authority figures. I was terrorized by the concept as a child. I still am. I remember when I used to drive, a police officer pulled me over for a minor violation once, and my entire body was visibly trembling just from her noticing me. I could hardly talk, or keep my hands steady enough to show her my driver's license. Logically, I understand it all... but I've never emotionally matured on this topic (I can't react 'normally'). So, it's not really a flashback is it, or am I just getting too caught up in terminology? What would you call this type of episode?

Thanks for the replies! I have read most of the information on Pete Walker's site, and I will certainly look in to the books.

What I'm really struggling with is identifying I'm in a flashback, while I'm stuck in a flashback. It seems impossible to do so. It's even before step 1 of managing a flashback.

I'll do some more reading, and write out the best I can remember of what my flashback experience is like. I hope that will help.

I can also make notes and set "mood check up" reminders. I may even get a tattoo.

What do you do to help you identify you're in a flashback?

Thanks everyone! You are all awesome!

I was just looking through some of the forum categories here, and I'm having notable emotional reactions reading some of the topics of posts.

Has anyone else felt like that? Are there any recommendations on the best way to deal with it?

Jazzy

I'm really new to all of this, so please bear with me.

Mostly I feel confused and overwhelmed right now. Everyone I tried to reach out to kept telling me this stuff wasn't real, that I wasn't actually experiencing it... it's amazing to see people acknowledge it, and accept these things as a part of reality.

I'm not entirely sure how to differentiate between an EF and dissociation. I think they may happen together sometimes. Can anyone point me to further information about those states? I can't help but feel maybe most people don't believe me because I'm not explaining things well enough.

I'm pretty sure I've figured out dissociation, though I still struggle to explain it. I'm pretty frightened. At this point in my life, this seems like my default reaction. I've caught myself dissociating multiple times a day, every day, since I started paying attention to it.

EFs (or what I think EFs are), are even worse. They usually happen to me for long periods of time (weeks/months/years). Looking back at myself in that state, it's like I'm a very young child again (emotionally). In a lot of ways, it doesn't even really seem to be me. How do I recognize this sooner ? I usually only clue in when I have no one (maybe only a family member or two) left in my life. At that point, I seem to slowly "come to my senses", and realize the same thing happened again as it has in the past.

It's a really terrible cycle to be in, and I know I need to break it. I know the first step is to recognize it when it is happening instead of after, but I don't know how to do that. A few people have tried to show me techniques (from a PTSD approach), but I have not been successful.

Thanks in advance for anything you can share.

Jazzy

Greetings Everyone!

I first posted in OOTF forums. While it is a great community, and certainly helpful, it wasn't exactly what I am looking for right now. I very recently read about this thing called CPTSD (from childhood neglect and abuse), which much to my amazement, closely resembled my own life.

It has been quite an eventful year for me, there have been a lot of changes, and a lot of hurt. While I wish it were easier, it's brought me to a place where I've felt more hopeful than I ever have. I've been misdiagnosed a lot. I've been through really bad times, and no one seemed to care enough to see it changed. I had given up on ever finding treatment, and I became convinced by professionals that I was wrong in identifying my own thoughts and feelings.

Psychiatrists have given me a variety of diagnoses over the years, and therapists have told me things like they can't help me anymore, it's impossible to recover because I can't go back to being a child, etc.

So, all this to ask what I expect many others have before me: How do I convince others (especially professionals treating me) that CPTSD is a real, and very serious thing?

Jazzy