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Messages - sanmagic7

#16
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2024
April 16, 2024, 02:30:38 PM
still with you, hope.  love and hugs :hug:
#17
Recovery Journals / Re: Eerie Anne's Journal
April 16, 2024, 02:29:37 PM
thinking of you.  love and hugs :hug:
#18
Other / Re: Our Healing Porch Part 8
April 09, 2024, 02:28:50 PM
so glad this is here, still up and running, so to speak.  i'm going thru w/drawal from my ex and my meds, and i need a lovely, safe place to hang out while the poison is leaving my body. just want to listen to the small waves lapping the shore, listen to the birds, rock on the porch, snooze :zzz: till i come back to my self.
#19
Recovery Journals / Re: Sage's Journal
April 08, 2024, 03:31:47 PM
o my heart, CF!!!  i'm so glad for you!  that is great! congratulations!  :fireworks:

it's so good to hear someone finally got it.  my D was turned down again, it'll be another year before they will make another attempt.  i get it about the anxiety in waiting for this news.  so glad it came out right for you.

love and hugs, my dear. :hug:
#20
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journal
April 08, 2024, 03:28:03 PM
that dear sweet child hiding under the blankets.  my heart goes out to him. sending extra love and a hug filled with feelings of safety just for him.  he's so worth it. :hug:
#21
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2024
April 08, 2024, 03:20:40 PM
with you, hope, as always.  love and hugs :hug:
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: Forging New Paths
March 20, 2024, 02:07:34 PM
 :yeahthat:  :grouphug:
#23
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journal
March 18, 2024, 03:33:37 PM
i'm with you, PC, on being able to feel the energy of things, and to stay away from the energy that's neg. it's kind of a spooky feeling, but real nonetheless. i've felt that going into old graveyards at times, too. or even places where violence (like the OK city bombing) has taken place.  it's a very 'get me outta here!' feeling.

i don't think you're crazy. i've been called that as well.  just cuz you see/think/know something differently than others is not nec. crazy.  your mind may be farther open than others in order to receive whatever's around you. love and hugs :hug:
#24
Recovery Journals / Re: Eerie Anne's Journal
March 18, 2024, 03:27:59 PM
your entry, EA, under the idea that mentally strong people don't give up - but maybe it's time to give up, move on, do something different in order to not make the same mistakes - really resonated w/ me.  i've been told how strong i am over and over in my life, but when was it my time to be 'weak'?  i've finally begun giving myself permission to do just that, and it's helped.  just to be down for a bit, then i get the strength back better than ever.

again, these sound like absolutes, which i'm not a fan of, and i don't believe they're necessarily true.  not for everyone.  i've heard this kind of thing too often for too long and i just ignore them now.  sometimes i even feel angry about them, like 'don't try to cover me w/ the same blanket as everyone else! this is wool and it itches!!! so, leave me alone!'

ack.  i got riled up just thinking about it.  you don't have to buy into them either, EA.  love and hugs :hug:
#25
Recovery Journals / Re: Sage's Journal
March 18, 2024, 03:20:33 PM
thank the stars for support groups!  they can be just the ticket at times.  so glad you found ACA, CF.

good luck w/ the disability. we got ours back, rejected, but our advocate is going for another round.  however, that won't be for a year or so.  i don't know.  it's so wearying.  i'm with you all the way on this.

i used to knit a lot, kept my fingers busy, could concentrate on that, etc.  it's a good thing.  love and hugs :hug:
#26
Recovery Journals / Re: Eerie Anne's Journal
March 07, 2024, 03:34:26 PM
EA, it sure sounds like you've had some very harsh experiences/situations when it comes to interacting w/ others.  i wish that hadn't been so. 

i think a lot of us have tended to gravitate toward people who feel 'familiar', for a couple of reasons. one is that it's the kind of treatment/actions we've come to know from family.  i know i've sought out relationships w/ men who were emotionally blank walls and women who treated me without kindness/gentleness or as someone not to be taken seriously, including friends and superiors.  it is a lonely and confusing place to be.

two is that i haven't known very well how to be around people who weren't unkind to me, or who were emotionally available, male or female.  like you said, i wasn't taught how to have a healthy relationship w/ someone like that, and i also wasn't comfortable when someone did treat me kindly - didn't know how to react to that, often sabotaged it because it wasn't familiar.

it's taken a while, a long while and a lot of 'weeding' to get rid of all those unhealthy relationships, leave those people behind, and has left me w/ 4 people who i know are on my side.  very different from the days when i was surrounded by 'friends'.  i hope you are able to find your way to finding and becoming more comfortable w/ people who have your best interests at heart.  i'm glad you're here.  love and hugs :hug:
#27
Recovery Journals / Re: Sage's Journal
March 07, 2024, 03:08:28 PM
CF, i think your idea for that house is adorable, and i have no doubt it'll turn out lovely.  i get the thing about being creative - some of the things i'm making sure to pack for the move are some cross-stitch kits i've never used cuz i got too sick to work them anymore.  i'm looking forward to that side of me becoming more prominent.

glad your meds are doing well. keep taking care of you, ok?  love and hugs :hug:
#28
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2024
March 04, 2024, 04:56:26 PM
wow, hope, what a lot of 'release'!  well done for sticking with it, going thru it, and coming out the other side w/ that feeling of strength inside you.  that is so huge!   :thumbup:  i think you deserve a break after so much emotional dredging.

you continually strive to get closer to you, your parts, and your partner.  allowing yourself to be vulnerable w/ him is part of that, and kudos to him for accepting you as you are.  i'm so happy for you that you have him by your side.  love and hugs :hug:
#29
The Cafe / Re: 5 Songs that Make You Smile
March 02, 2024, 05:14:55 PM
This is fascinating to me, especially how many of these artists i'm not at all familiar w/.  Thanks for starting this. 

i have to begin with Bob Dylan, the Beatles, and the Stones - anytime i hear anything from any of them brings me back to the beginning of personal freedom from the repression under which i was raised, the start of my independent thinking, and awareness , and the drive to protest against the norms when i saw something amiss.  any of their songs bring a smile to my face for understanding more of the world not only in which i lived, but empowerment to advocate for myself and others as needed. a true awakening of my spirit that emboldened me to be who i am. 

'End of the Line' Traveling Wilbury's.  it touches on so many subjects about being ok with yourself, others, and life. almost my daily mantra to keep me moving forward no matter what.

'You'll Think of Me' - Keith Urban.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk1nw4Uoxig  this live version is the best breakup song ever, to my mind, and so great to listen to when i need to get some anger out at past relationships. definitely a catalyst to emotions.

anything by Queen.  always makes me want to sing and dance, whether on my feet or in a chair. 

#30
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2024
March 01, 2024, 03:21:31 PM
yep, hope, it's ok to not give yourself any rules about that kind of thing.  good observation.

balance is always a good thing, to my mind, so i'm glad you're looking to keep your stuff in balance.  little by little, small steps, all those good things, will get the job done.  you're doing great.  love and hugs :hug: