Hi. New here. Am reading Complex PTSD by Pete Walker which describes what I've been going through most of my life. I have much to be grateful for and try to focus positively but am dealing with anxiety, insomnia, dread, which I now understand are connected to my difficulties in childhood.
As a 1 year old, my father started chasing me down our hallway, yelling at me at a time when I could not understand his rage or even his purpose. I would disassociate (leave my body) and end up in bed waking up crying, realizing what had happened but unable to account for the period of when my father started chasing me to when suddenly I was waking up crying. In addition, he often verbally abused me, especially at the dinner table every night and often when I was showing happiness for positive things that were happening. He didn't like to see me winning evidently. He was an alcoholic and ragaholic.
I am thankful for a mother who cared but was also an alcoholic and though she did not do everything right I knew she loved me and that has meant a lot of me over the years.
I was happily married for 35 years but my husband suddenly passed away. A lot of my neuroses seem to have returned and the abandonment grief has returned very hard.
I am doing my best to survive. Going to 12 Step groups. Keeping socially active.
I am grateful to have found this group.
Blessings to all.
As a 1 year old, my father started chasing me down our hallway, yelling at me at a time when I could not understand his rage or even his purpose. I would disassociate (leave my body) and end up in bed waking up crying, realizing what had happened but unable to account for the period of when my father started chasing me to when suddenly I was waking up crying. In addition, he often verbally abused me, especially at the dinner table every night and often when I was showing happiness for positive things that were happening. He didn't like to see me winning evidently. He was an alcoholic and ragaholic.
I am thankful for a mother who cared but was also an alcoholic and though she did not do everything right I knew she loved me and that has meant a lot of me over the years.
I was happily married for 35 years but my husband suddenly passed away. A lot of my neuroses seem to have returned and the abandonment grief has returned very hard.
I am doing my best to survive. Going to 12 Step groups. Keeping socially active.
I am grateful to have found this group.
Blessings to all.