Messages

Thanks BeHea1thy.

Thanks Blueberry... I am working on learning how to not overspend. I'm just so freaked out all the time it's hard to remember.

I'll check out the link.

Thanks Behea1thy... I am trying, Haven't heard of HEAP but will check it out. Today I'm just frozen.

This describes me to a T except that I usually pulled myself up and had a handful of very good friends. Not knowing why I was the way I was kept me isolated and at this point, after a physical illness kept me from "running" (I did have a great 'flight' pattern as well) I have managed to put myself in a very sure spot of complete abandonment. It is so bizarre to me that this has happened as I was the one who took care of everyone but did not let anyone get too close. How I wish they'd had C-PTSD info 47 years ago! I am also quite able to socialize when I feel safe as long as no one pulls me in too close. Don't abandon yourselves! Make yourself work through this if you're lucky enough to be in therapy at a young age!

Thanks to you all for sharing with me.

I speed-walked a mile this evening. Even invited another tenant around the same age and she joined me. That's after spending my entire day inside of this box and trying to find things to sell to pay utilities and TV/Internet bills. I have already screwed up my finances for this month. I haven't had to do this since I became ill and I am panicking. I have applied for food stamps and utility assistance but it hasn't been processed yet. I tend to avoid "looking" when something like this happens. I'm trying to be more pragmatic about it all but this is so scary. My question is this: Do any of you, or is there an area on the site that has ideas for making money without going out into the big, scary world? My hyper-vigilance is getting worse because of this stress. I have come so far that I don't want to let this completely deplete me but it's crazy expensive on your own.

I worked as a caregiver for 14 years prior to this and I realize now that I was keeping myself "safe" from the real world, but now I can't tolerate that kind of work. I also worked as an editor and photo researcher for an author but she passed in 2014. I loved that job!

Thanks for any ideas!

Thanks for the suggestions Blueberry and Boat... I am trying to find my comfort zone. It is difficult here as there are so many triggers for me. From childhood on. I saw my therapist today and yes, he knows how I'm feeling. He was the first one I saw when all this started in 2013.

I am having a hard time "tolerating" people that I don't know or feel comfortable with and I believe that that is from anger coming up from EMDR. Not sure that it's a good time to be doing that as I'm feeling so unsettled where I live. I'll talk to her about that this week as well.

I'm in the US very near a big city and it's not fun! I much prefer the mountains and small towns. There are no groups for PTSD here. Group therapy is scarce and insurance won't cover.

I've signed up to do "puppy petting" for an organization that trains dogs for vets with PTSD so I'm hoping that will help.

I just want to stop thinking about all of this for a little while. It's all I do. I have chronic pain also and will see the pain doc tomorrow. Maybe he can help. I'm always thinking about my pain level. I never used to be aware of my body like this. I can't stand it.

I'll check out Pete Walker's stuff.

Thank you both!

Greetings saturnine - I just posted for the first time but wanted to say this to you: I am much older and missed out on SO MUCH in my life, I want to encourage you to keep going with this as I sit here completely alone and lost. Don't let that happen to you! I've pushed everyone away and can't believe what has happened. Embrace LIFE and LOVE. Check yourself for HEALTHY love relationships!

Wishing you the best!

Hello... I've never been here but I'm having a horrible time. I have C-PTSD and am completely alone. On disability and living in an apt. with mostly old people (I'm 65, female) and I feel like I'm in my grave. There is no one to connect to. It is deathly quiet. I feel TRAPPED. I'm afraid of being alone. (I lived alone for many years and was fine!) 

I have a long history of trauma and neglect. Had a very violent crime against me at 18 (trapped) and when I got sick in 2013, no one believed me and I was emotionally abused for 2 1/2 years by a family member I trusted. (Narcissist at the very least - very violent person.) I literally woke up one morning with a pain in my stomach and PANIC. I finally had the physical problem taken care of but the panic has not gone away. It is worse since moving here. I don't know how to be around people anymore. I am hyper-vigilant and just want to run. I can't stand this anymore. I only have one family member and she is shunning me or being passive/aggressive. She was my safe place for 60 years until this happened. I don't know how to move on. I'm in CBT therapy and have started EMDR but when I'm alone, I am so stressed out that I feel as though my bones will break.

I only feel safe with safe people (cousins) and when I'm in motion - driving. I literally had to run to save my life once and I've been running away from situations ever since. I was healthy and happy for years prior to this downfall but can see that I was avoidant and pushed people away... I've literally managed to completely abandon myself. I miss my family member so much but she is no longer safe. My friends and few relatives do not understand why I can't "get over it!" I don't know who I am anymore or how to take care of myself. This is horrible. No one wants to hear this! I just want to be in the mountains in a cabin with a few friends and a good dog. Any advice? The isolation is killing me but I feel dissociated when I go out. The traffic, noise, city, is all too triggering for me. I was previously in a much smaller town. This may be very scattered. Sorry.