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I've read these replies quite a few times now and they make me feel so accepted and not alone. I can't believe I didn't find a group like this sooner, your words are incredibly cathartic. Thank you so so much.

I was sexually abused by 3 people between the ages of 5 and 8. 1 of them on their own and the other 2 together, taking photos. I hate to think that someone might still have photos of me, it makes me feel sick with shame. When I was 10 I was raped again by someone else, just the once but it was almost worse than all the other times put together. It solidified things for me. That this was what my life would always be. It was actually the last time I was abused but I sort of formed my identity around this vulnerability. As the years passed I learnt to pretend that none of it had ever happened. I formed another version of me. Now I'm older I'm finally merging both parts of myself back together and learning to accept the child part of myself that was taken advantage of. I've self harmed more times than I can remember and been in hospital for most of those times. Some days, when I'm plagued with memories which I can't control, I wonder how I'm ever meant to survive and I wonder if it's fair that other people should expect me to keep living.  I have no plans to end my life because I know the suffering it would cause my family but it feels nice to imagine it sometimes. It's also not fair on my family because they have no idea about the abuse which took place. I'm feeling selfish and want someone to read this and tell me that it's ok. Whatever 'it' is.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me. It means so much. Other than therapy, this is the only time I've been able to share this part of my life.

Thank you for replying. I'm so pleased to hear things are working out for you. I'm 31 now and thinking maybe just being on my own would be ok?
I've had therapy but had to leave my group due to my dad passing away and lots of emotions around that. It wasn't him that abused me, but both my parents were around whilst it was happening so I resented them for not looking after me. They were in the same house, getting drunk, whilst I was being abused by multiple people. Now I'm struggling to get back into therapy due to limited spaces and issues over counties etc.
I feel like I'm floating in a bit of a limbo and don't know what to do.
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, that means a lot. I hope things continue to improve for you x

Does anyone ever feel completely overwhelmed by the possibility of being in a relationship? I don't want to be lonely but as soon as I think someone might like me, I worry about the physical side of the relationship. I was sexually abused quite a lot as a child and all of the memories I try so hard to bury just come flooding back and I struggle to function. The only way I can stop the memories of abuse is to self harm or work myself into the ground. When I'm not worrying about dating then I can hold myself together much better, with only occasional blips. I think I want to know if dating will ever be worth it? Has anyone else experienced the same thing and managed to get into a relationship?

Hi there, I'm diagnosed with BPD and during therapy we were exploring the possibility of CPTSD before I had to leave due to my dad passing away. Now it's 18 months later and there's no space left for me in my therapy group and I'm feeling so lost. Opening up about my childhood was massive for me and since leaving the group I haven't had anyone to talk to. I want desperately to tell my friend about it, so she can see me properly and maybe support me. Is that weird? I feel like I should keep it to myself because otherwise I might be sharing it for attention. And then my friend would be burdened with knowing how shameful I am. No one else in my life knows what happened to me and I'm so incredibly lonely. Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear some opinions on if you think it's ok to tell my friend