I am a female. I'm an Air Force Bratt who moved every 2-3 years until age 13 with my family so never really spent time with extended family. I was sexually abused by my half brother from at least age 3 - possibly soon as my mother described grooming from the time I was born (though she wouldn't have called it that). My mother was an alcoholic narcissist who died of lung cancer three years ago - I stopped communicating with her 5 years before that because after I told her about the molestation she said I was ruining her life and that I just had to talk it out with my half brother. My father died 22 years ago from alcoholism. My 2nd boyfriend became my first husband and is a psychopath who beat me severely - broken rib, nose, cheek, jaw. My 2nd husband is a borderline personality sociopath with possible schizophrenia (no contact so don't know if he got diagnosed) who yelled at me constantly and berated me for being too sensitive and not being strong enough. My last boyfriend is a sociopath narcissist who constantly cheated and lied to me and then blamed me for finding out. He was much younger than me and constantly told me I was too old. I make less than 17,000 a year and have no health insurance (too much $ for Medicaid, too little for insurance, and I can't find a full-time job after 3 years of searching on and off). so yeah I have C-Ptsd, was officially diagnosed when I had some health care 3 years ago. I don't date anymore and go days or weeks at a time without talking to anyone. I'm really scared and lonely. I feel alien. I feel useless. I feel hopeless. I'm a mess.