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Thanks guys, well we gave it another 2-3 weeks but nothing was really changing. In the best interest of my husband, I relinquished the dog back to the rescue today. I'm absolutely heartbroken but know it's for the best.

Hi everyone,

Wanted to see if anyone had any good resources or books directly for anger management?

A simple Google search just makes me 

Any suggestions are welcomed!

Thanks.

So my husband and I just got a new rescue dog 2 weeks ago, and he is having a very, very hard time adjusting to the change. I have CPTSD childhood and he has both CPTSD childhood and CPTSD adult (military war veteran).

I had a very rough first 5 days but it seems to be leveling out now that we're sleeping better. But he is not taking it well at all now that we're entering week 3 and he is having full blown anxiety attacks almost daily (he hasn't been this bad in about 4 years).

We initially talked about adding a 2nd dog to the family since it was something we have wanted for the past 3 years but did not have the space to do so until now. The rescue is a great, easy going dog and going into this we both agreed that it was going to be a family dog. Well, the 2nd day into new doggo being with us, husband lays it on me that I now have to take care of newbie all by myself because he can't mentally cope. Okay, no problem, I can handle the feeding and outdoor time.

But now I've noticed that husband is getting annoyed at every single thing the dog does, even if it's just standing in a hallway or simply looking at him. Husband has now tells me that he simply can't open his heart up to love something else since he has to do that with me and our current dog, and that he is essentially maxed out. He is sobbing out of nowhere, constantly moody, locking himself away, and having full blown anxiety attacks at this point. PTSD is out in force.

The last 24 hours have been rife with me crying and being upset - one: because of dealing with and trying to mitigate the husband and, two: because I'm starting to think that we may have to give the dog up. My husband is my priority but I've grown attached to the dog, and I am just heartbroken over thinking about giving him back to the rescue. It's hard for me not to blame my husband for putting me through all of this these last 2 weeks.

I don't know what to do at this point....I'm just at a loss for words and mentally drained. If we keep the dog, I run the risk of continual husband issues because he is having a very hard time adjusting to change - I know it will get better over time but is it worth it to me, him, or the dog? How long will it take to get to a 'new normal' (rhetorical Q)? If we give up the dog, I am utterly heartbroken but at least the pain is only temporary. At least that is how I'm looking at it.

I don't know at this point. My anxiety and depression is through the roof trying to keep the ship sailing because right now it feels like I'm under the surface and breathing through a straw.

Should we keep the new dog or return him? At this point I just want to return him to make this all go away, but that's just me wanting to run away and hide. Make everything better. Hide the things that are hurting me. Make it go back to the way things were before...an easier life. Welp, here come the tears.

Any advise or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks guys.

Long story short, both my mother and father suffer from mental illness and childhood CPTSD but refuse to acknowledge or get help. I am an only child who grew up in a household with a very emotionally abusive narcissistic father and a guilt shaming manipulative mother; not to mention the extremely dysfunctional emotionally abusive extended family on top of it.

Mother and I have always been very close to an unhealthy level, best friends more than mother-daughter, but the last few years have been strained since I moved across the country/got married/bought a house. We literally talk/text daily and it's moreso obligation on my part from guilt to be 'the good daughter'. Her mental health has severly declined over the past few years and I consider her an emotional vampire at this point since I am the only one she constantly complains to and leans on. I've given her myriad advice+time+money+support to help her live on her own but nothing is ever absorbed and it's just constant complaining about the same things over and over without any action on her end. I know her mental state has everything to do with this, but the, "The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of you" rhetoric really weighs heavy on my shoulders. I finally broke down a few months back after a particularly bad onslaught of crap from her and wrote her a long letter about our adult relationship being toxic and how I would like us to have a real mother-daughter relationship. Of course the letter was virtually ignored and when I did get a response from her it was many days later, I was told that I was the one in the wrong and that, "I can't handle stress well since I can't be there for her emotionally. It's my job as her daughter to be there for her."

I haven't seen her in person since early 2017, not because I chose to purposely do that, but because my husband & I have been financially tight since literally moving across the country and paying down debts to buy a house. There have been many times where I have been very close to cutting her out of my life but i just can't seem to do it because it honestly makes me feel like crap thinking that I would be the one to finalize closure. I worry that she would try to commit suicide if I told her that I can't talk to her anymore, and I don't want that on my shoudlers for the rest of my life. So, in essence, I am being held captive by her.

Well, 3 weeks ago, when all the rioting started up here in the U.S., we had just had a benign conversation about something the day before so I was thinking that everything was okay between us at that point in time. Well, the next day I get a barage of guilt shaming snarky texts saying thanks alot for calling to see how she is doing and it's nice to know she has a daughter who cares about her mother during these times of rioting, not to talk to her anymore because she has had it with me, have a good life, and we should write each other off because we'll never see each other again. This all was unprovoked, out of the blue, completely from left field, and I was blind-sided. Literally talked to her the day before this happened, so it wasn't like we didn't speak for weeks on end or something like that.

Since then, I've been battling very hard with coming to terms with this. Never in my 33 years of life have we gone without talking for more than maybe 3 days at a time and we are now going on 3 weeks with no communication. I worry that she has maybe harmed herself in some way and that I should check up on her, but I refuse to initiate any communication at this point since she is the one who initiated this. Whether she was serious or not in the threats, actions speak louder than words and I am downright hurt. I always thought I would be the one to cut her out of my life, not the other way around...especially when I was not in the wrong. I have been very emotional and feel like I am on a roller coaster of emotions. It has been a breath of fresh air not having to talk to her, but the way it went down is so wrong on so many levels. I feel like I don't know how to process it and move on - after talking to my husband and 2 best friends, they tell me to just try and move on now. Easier said than done.

[THE]

Hi everyone,

Newbie here making the obligatory intro post all the way from a secluded cabin in the Northern Maine Woods (wouldn't have it any other way). I don't think my post will contain triggers but I am not sure, so possible trigger warning to those who read this. I originally found Pete Walker's book for my husband who is an Afghanistan veteran with adult CPTSD and it helped him SO much that he suggested that I read it. Well, I'm about halfway through the book now and already have had so much clarity with my life experiences that it's been a god-send to say the least. 

Where to start...basically developed CPTSD in childhood and came from a predominately male machismo hispanic/white Catholic family who thought and acted (and still do) like women are below the fleas on dogs. Never thought anything was wrong with the way I grew up until I got older in teenage years and realized that I had a very dysfunctional family. Life with them in it basically involved be belitted because of being a woman, never taken seriously, being pushed aside regardless of achievements, negatively talked about behind my back, looked down upon, left out of family happenings, and left to run wild...so there is that. Then queue in my mother and father, who both have childhood CPTSD but refuse to acknowledge it or seek help, and are extremely dysfunctional. Father was extremely physically and verbally abusive to my mother & I as a child and was told to leave when I was 4. So between the ages of 4-14 he was gone, until my mother invited him back into our home when I was 14 because of 'financial' reasons. During the decade he was gone, mother and I became 'best friends' and codependant to an unhealthy level especially since I am an only child. She is very manipulative in nature and can be very nasty with guilt shaming to get her way, but I thought I had to 'put up with it' because she is my mother. Her favorite line to use on me is, "I am your mother so you HAVE to listen to me. I brought you in this world and I can take you out of it." Between 14-23 when I was still living at home with mother & father present, father was extremely verbally abusive to us both and my CPTSD really kicked into gear. Avoidance, anxiety, low self esteem, being quiet/never speaking my mind out of fear, social anxiety, extreme lonliness, becoming a master of manipulation, felt unloveable, sexual promuscity, nonstop partying & drug use, and getting into trouble with the law became my normal life.  I never could really understand at the time why my life had taken this turn especially since I was a 'star athlete and honor student' in school - I felt like a huge loser and thought about suicide multiple times but never attempted. When I think back on it, I even had suicidal thoughts back around the ages of 7-8 years old but didn't understand why.

So when I finally left southern CA at 23, I ended up moving around all over the place to various states on the west coast and could never keep a job or place to live. Started trying heavier drugs and getting into seedy stuff, but also started getting out in nature more which actually made me feel human for once. Before that, I regularly felt like I was completely void of emotion and was incapable of having emotions anymore.

So between 25-28 I decided to stop doing everything that I was doing before and just started hiking since I knew nature was my one true solice. Hiking and thinking. The more I hiked, the more I thought, and the more revelations I had about myself, my family and family dynamics, and I started to have feelings again. During that time, I realized that the men in my family are toxic and ended up shutting the doors on relationships with all of them, including my father. It was THE best thing I could have ever done to myself because it really allowed me to heal and grow in a positive direction. I thought I had healed myself from the past until I had a surprise call from my father (who I thought did not have my number because I changed it multiple times but thanks to my mother he had it) about 2 months ago and it sent me into a hysterical fit/emotional sinkhole/flashback for a few days. I had not spoken to or seem him in about 5 years at that point and was doing very well emotionally without him in my life. My mother and I still talked almost daily mostly through text through everything until 3 weeks ago where she decided to cut ME out of her life because I did not "call to check up on her during the riots" and "I'm a bad daughter and she has given up on me" so I am dealing with what feels like both a relief and a death of a parent at the same time. I'm having a very hard time coming to terms with that right now, but maintaining distance with her has been something I have been trying to do my entire life...I just always thought it would be on my terms. So after those 2 incidents, I started reading Pete Walker's book and here we are in present times.

So as of today, I'm 33 and feel more peaceful in life over the past year than I have in the past 32. I chalk it up to a wonderful husband who is the exact opposite of my father (loving, caring, supportive, etc) and us finally settling down into the first home that we purchased together in northern Maine. I try to get in things like yoga, art, reading, being outdoors, and meditation a few times a week and it really settles my mind. I still have a long way to go in my journey to heal and I am finally open to therapy so that is mostly going to be my next step. Some days are better than others, but I know that overall, life is better than it ever has been.

Thanks for reading and I hope it wasn't too long!