Another newbie

[bring em all in]

Hello! I just wanted to dip my toe in the pool to get started. I've been working with therapists and psychologists since 1992. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar II, OCD, Social Anxiety, and Generalized Anxiety. This past Wednesday my anxiety diagnosis was changed to C-PTSD. This did not surprise me as I've been reading Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving and have found something to highlight on nearly every page. My C-PTSD stems from a chaotic childhood marked by a mentally ill parent, severe bullying at school, and medical trauma. I've also experienced numerous chronic traumatic situations throughout my adult life- basically making choices that recreated my childhood traumas.

I'm looking forward to having a safe place to share my experiences and learn from others. I found myself oversharing on Facebook and believe this will be a more appropriate outlet.

[mourningdove]

Welcome, bring em all in!

[Three Roses]

Welcome! 

[bring em all in]

Thanks for the welcoming! I hope these are active forums.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Bring em all in    I have a similar copy of Walker's book (i.e., yellow highlighting on almost every page) lol. 

[bring em all in]

Thanks, Kizzie! It's both disconcerting and comforting to see so much of myself in Walker's book.

Last night I had another incident with my wife in which I went into an emotional flashback and started out fighting and ended up fawning. I worry that I'm being overly sensitive, but when she shames me for expressing my thoughts/feelings and cuts me off in mid-sentence several times and then shuts me out emotionally it feels like being back with my parents as a child.

[Kizzie]

Ouch, sorry to hear that     FWIW, I don't think you are being overly sensitive at all, we each deserve to be heard.  Most people would be upset about being interrupted, shamed and shut out, it's just we tend to question ourselves because we have CPTSD. As you'll read in Walker's book, it is reawakening those natural, protective instincts that helps us to recover.  For example, when your wife interrupts you what about saying "Excuse me, I wasn't finished"  and then continue what you were saying?   You are simply establishing/claiming your right to speak in a clear, direct and respectful manner.

[bring em all in]

Great suggestion, Kizzie. I'm just afraid I'll snap to the other extreme from fawning to fighting and yell, "Hey! I'm talking! It's your turn to listen!" I'm reading about fawning and codependence in Walker's book now, and spoke about it with my therapist this morning.

I seem to be having emotional flashbacks on a daily basis now- probably was all along but didn't know it.