howdy. Meowdy, even

[cyberJudas]

Hi all!
Finally getting around to writing my history with C-PTSD. I'm a little reluctant to retread the explanation, but I'm sure I'll get more in depth as I post more. I went through trauma-based therapy and wrote a narrative when I was 15. That did little for the emotional effects of my PTSD, and just really made me okay with forgetting what actually happened to me. It was not very effective.

Anyways, I'm a childhood sexual assault survivor. My stepdad was verbally and sexually abusive, and assaulted me 3 times in a month when I was 11/12 ish, around April/May. I had a hard time remembering my age due to memory issues and classifying time by my grade in school instead of my actual age. CPS was called after I told a friend, and he was removed from the home for a week. During that week, my mother verbally abused me and guilted me into recanting my statement. Then in October, the police had found quantifiable enough physical evidence, and I was sent to live with my grandmother. She was controlling and emotionally abusive, but I still live with her. Without her, I'd be in foster care and not where I am today, so I am grateful for that. Court was spread out and delayed over the course of 2 years.

My stepdad was approved for parole in September 2022. I relapsed hard. I'm still recovering from a lot. I struggle with not having any reliable friends growing up, constantly being abandoned for being "too much" because of my trauma and symptoms. My mother was emotionally neglectful, even though we are on good terms now, I will not totally recover from the harm she has caused me for a very long time, if at all.

That's enough I have the energy to share for now, but I will at least write something positive to give myself something to look forward to. I am really excited to play more Etrian Odyssey tonight after work. I like video games, they're a nice escape.

Hope to see you all around.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I am sorry your life experiences have sent you our way, but I'm glad you found us.I think you will find the folks here to be friendly and supportive. I certainly have.

[Kizzie]

  What NarcKiddo said.  You went through and are going through a lot and that we understand and relate to here.   

I have to say it still makes me angry when I hear that the abusers in a member's life made them feel like they were the problem and "too much" as you wrote. If anything none of us were able to say or do enough and if we had, more perpetrators would be held accountable whether that's jail time or emotionally.

One thought to hold onto perhaps is that you did not turn out like them, despite or perhaps because of what they did. You are more than good enough, better in fact than those who abused you and I hope that message seeps into all those hurt places.   

[Bermuda]

Hi there, welcome. What you went through was not okay. I saw you commented on my post. Despite what I said, everyone has been more than supportive. I hope you had a good evening playing video games. I don't know where I would be without my hobbies.