New to OOTS

[LiveYourThrive]

This feels like it takes guts all over again. Okay (breathe...) Hi, I'm LiveYourThrive -- a prime-of-life (40's), childless divorced woman full of gratitude for OOTF and now trying OOTS.

I used sister-site OOTF after consecutive nightmares that my life was in danger related to a covert NPD now-and-forever-EX-bf (three years on-off together). He (bright side!) comforted me in coming to terms with an emotionally abusive FOO (go figure! he knew the topic well and was actually going to therapy until of course ...he wasn't and it all blew up). My emotionally repressed FOO): 1) NPD subservient passive-aggressive mother in my younger years; 2) emotionally neglectful, controlling father and 3) dx (depression) older sister who became rageful at me post-adolescence. I dared to buck the family "system" and she long resented me.  I never "fit" -- am now NC with entire FOO for over two years.

I feel a bit desperate for support -- and hope -- on OOTS as I'm embarking on building a modest business and trusting my first relationship  post-NPD bf.  I'm a "highly sensitive" (highly affected by others' energy), charming/sociable (per others!) ENTJ; what that means for me is that CPTSD has felt incredibly debilitating to my instinct that wants to engage, CONNECT, shake up the world and create positive change.  I seem to venture out, actually do make change and connections and then -- WHAM! am utterly exhausted, the kind of "catatonically sit on the couch for hours with just the dog" exhausted. Consistent follow through is like carrying lead weights.

Does anyone out there have hopeful words and advice for being able to start a modest business and have a healthy dating relationship when you have CPSTD, you're NC with your entire family, entirely without love of family, children -- and friends mid-life are often over-busy with their own family and work interests. It feels lonely. How do you power onward with such a reality? I have a business degree, I'm entrepreneurial, I want a life partner and I'm ... so tired of being tired, and tired of not feeling strong enough emotionally somehow. p.s. I do have a dog. (He is  better than many people's family!)

Thanks for reading... Hugs to all!

[LiveYourThrive]

BeHea1thy, thank you so much for  your reply to me back in August.    You helped me so much today: I just logged on after not having gotten any welcome for a few days until yours...back in August. Those days (with no replies, which the Forum even cautioned us about that possibility)  from anyone, I think, sapped and deterred me from logging on again until today. But today,... when I read your words, BeHea1thy, they were exactly what I needed!! Thank you!

If you see this post, I hope that it finds you well and that others are finding ways to give you the boosts of support, validation, acceptance and belonging that I think we all sort of crave.

[Three Roses]

Oh my goodness! We are usually collectively MUCH better than this at welcoming others! 😳 Please let me apologize for not welcoming you properly.

Fulfilling relationships are possible. I think relationships are hardly ever healthy versus unhealthy but rather exist on a continuum between the two extremes. This can mean with romantic interests, friendships, family, coworkers, anyone human. And dogs! 

I'm glad you're here, there's tons of info available. I hope to hear more from you. 

[Kizzie]

Apologies from me as well LiveYourThrive!  I am so glad you came back and decided to risk posting again.  And thank you so much for telling us how that made you feel, It's a reminder to all of us to ensure we welcome new members. 

Perhaps you can catch us up  - how are things going now?

I seem to venture out, actually do make change and connections and then -- WHAM! am utterly exhausted, the kind of "catatonically sit on the couch for hours with just the dog" exhausted. Consistent follow through is like carrying lead weights.

I had and still have this same experience when I don't budget or spread out my energy well (i.e., relative to managing my CPTSD).  I am creative and energetic on good days, not so much on days when my symptoms have crept in for one reason or another (often from trying to do too much but also illness or if something has triggered me).   So I really try and not take on too much these days (different for everyone so you have to find out what constitutes too much), reduce stress when and where I can, take breaks, and be compassionate towards myself and the fact that I must do things differently because of my CPTSD (i.e., not weak or less than, just different).

Hope this helps!