Things She Will Never Understand

[Bach]

There's a reason I had tantrums when I was a child.  I didn't do it on purpose, didn't do it to annoy you or punish you or make your life miserable.  I did it because your inability to touch me with love was so painful.  Because your physical rejection of me made me wish I did not exist, had never existed, could cease to exist.  At times (like almost every second of every day recently) the body programming I carry from that still does.

[rainydiary]

I appreciate you sharing this.

[Blueberry]

Letting you know I read this Bach. I care. I hope writing it out helps reduce the power it has over you a little.

[woodsgnome]

The first time I read this, I tried to respond to this, as everything you brought up hits squarely and deep in my own wounded heart.

I still have no adequate words; senseless things are like that, and the more we try to find any answers, the worse we feel.

Here's what I DO find, though. I see, and admire, your efforts, Bach, in spilling out the raw emotional hurt you've endured. What your post shows is the inner courage and your strength in stepping forward with self-care.

There never can be words strong enough to fully soothe the deep hurt of it all. Still, you felt this need deeply enough to somehow find a response to a lack of love. In doing this, your self-love is like a beacon for the many here struggling to find that for themselves.