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Hi, I an new here and reading the posts in various sections really hits home to me and I feel it's nice to have others to talk to. I have a counselor I see weekly too.

I am divorcing a npd/asperger spouse (over 20 years). He withheld his knowledge of his autism to me our entire marriage. When I figured it out on my own he confirmed it then immediately wanted a divorce (he discarded me because I now understood the issues between us). He was controlling and manipulative and abusive: gaslighted me, mind games, diminished me, deeply controlling etc.

My FOO is a mess. I have a big family: half had PD's/BPD the other not. My mom was BPD as well, my father did not have personality disorder nor BPD.

I think I spent the majority of my life distancing from them (the BPD/NPD's) as they created drama and drained/affected negatively all the other people in the family. I also had traumatic loss of non PD/BPD family member and ptsd about that.

My mom died a few weeks ago...the BPD/NPD relatives all became enmeshed, I believe, in white collar crime. Like predators: the fact that I went no contact with them a few years ago makes them even more angry at me because they can't "get at me" anymore. They cannot exploit me anymore. So, I got letters in the mail, social media posts and phones calls trying to "mend" with me which I know coming from them is complete BS. These people are crooks. The worst kind. I always lived a state away from them and due to traumatic illness in a sibling I loved (who was not like these others) I became exposed more to these crooks and it slowly unfolded that they are crooks. They deal in deception crime. It's hard to explain. I only know what my dying sibling told me about them and of course heard through other relatives about the trouble these four siblings would get into.

What can I do to feel safe? I am trying to cope with my divorce, live my life, focus on healing flashbacks etc. as best as I can.

But to me the BPD/PD they have seems more complicated by the criminal dealings I know they seem to be caught up in. I feel like if they keep trying to get access to me (this despite my explicitly telling them I want NC) I can't endure just "enduring and taking it". Do I go to police? I am no investigator, I have no concrete proof about the crime I believe they are involved in, but I feel certain if I shared my suspicions with police they would investigate these people. I am torn about this. I would much rather they go away. I have tried my whole life to escape them. They have ruined the lives of my other non-BPD/non-PD relatives. They don't quit.

I feel with my mom's death they are plotting and planning to enmesh with me again somehow. Whether I allow that or not. Does anyone else go through this? My counselor says to be careful about going to police because if nothing is found I have deeper hate from them. But, everyday I look back on what they have done and see there is no way that they are NOT part of crime rings.

Torn. I have lived like prey within my marriage and FOO my whole life. Abused, used, lied too, exploited. I want to pick up the pieces but feel the learned helplessness and pts will never heal if I can't get my FOO away from me. I am seeing some progress in my life now that my abusive asperger ex is gone, physically, from my house. That helps. It's not easy: but my panic attacks slowly subsided and I thank god for every day I don't have to wake up and be demeaned under my roof every minute of the day. But then my mom dies and I know those predators don't like the word "no".

Help. Advice? I don't want to go backwards from my recovery work. I feel like I live in a war zone waiting for bulletts.

Hi,
I am half way through divorcing my narc. verbally abusive spouse. Still got a ways to go, but at least he moved out. So I have been in counseling for over a year now and since he moved out the panic attacks have slowly gone away, plus I work on them in therapy, to minimize. They were awful and intensified when he discarded me to divorce. As soon as I had confirmation from him he was Autistic? He wanted a divorce. After years of emotional neglect/verbal abuse/he spied on my computer use/gaslighted me/played horrific mind games (he withheld from me up until 2 years ago he knew he was aspergers all along and never told me).

I never had an "intimate" relationship. It triggers me to talk about my sex life (could it be called that?) so I won't. But I suffer from affective disorder because I never had a loving expressive kind emotional nor physical relationship with him. It really did a number on me when I learned I was duped all those years.

Anyway. I am glad to not have panic attacks anymore. I muddle through negotiations. Best as I can.  I emotionally detached from him and an autism society helped me understand what I went through.

I look around me and see so many people experienced true intimacy and affection (even no verbal abuse!) and I feel many times like a freak because that was all robbed from me. I lived a lie: I was lied too and robbed of the chance to know what real affection feels like.

I am isolated on purpose and its ok. I very slowly get out with my new puppy. Which is a huge thing for me. I accept that I will never walk around in life understanding what affection feels like: unless I experience it first hand. But. I feel like I escaped this weird "non-reality" in my marriage....and it was very punishing, the whole experience. If I knew, I would of left a long time ago. Because I have never had basic human needs met. Not in a relationship. Not sexually. Not intimately. Not at all. I don't trust that I will ever be strong enough to "begin" this late in my life (late 40's) all over again. Begin meaning: date for the first time, a nuerotypical person. A person with the same wiring as me. I don't know what that is like. At all. It's scarey.

Hi,
I started in Out of Fog forum and it was recommended I come here. I agree. I have known about my CPTSD for many years: at the onset of a crisis 10 years ago (untimely death of a cherished sibling) - the glimmers of understanding for what I endured growing began then as I found a grief counselor to help me through the long term illness and loss. But it's taken years to fully know the entire breadth of my trauma and two years ago it all came crashing down in me.

My FOO is half BPD and half have no personality disorder. So I guess I have that going for me. Unfortunately: the disordered half just don't quit and some of them have even folded into what I am guessing is white collar criminal element as well. Thereby making them even more tougher to shake off.  I went no contact two to three years ago. Because I could not endure the abuse any more and was desperate to get relief. I was also coping with the demise of my 20 + year marriage because I had learned my spouse was high functioning autistic and he knew the entire marriage but chose not tell me. I won't get into the depth of the autism here....its an empathy disability and him not telling me all those years almost killed me. When I found out about the autism: I emotionally withdrew completely from everyone. I isolated. My flash backs returned (from 10 years earlier and the tragic loss of sibling) and I felt worthless, used, gamed, and exploited by my marriage. This took a full year to come out of. The second he confirmed the autism to me he announced he wanted a divorce too. Again, this is part of that no empathy issue autistics have. It was cruel and I found an autism society that (he refused to work with) told me I cannot expect him to emotionally understand me. I agree. But then after he discarded me (he could not game me anymore, once I knew he was autistic) panic attacks slowly set in because between my family stalking me, him and other job related issues I went full on into panic attacks, flash backs, triggers and full on isolation.

I am still partially isolated and trying to get out more. I know I won't trust anyone ever again: but I am trying my best to mitigate and maybe just restore surface acquaintances and social interactions. I was a happy extrovert before life chipped away at my sense of safety and trust. I had glimmers of bounce back at various times but my marriage demise was the last straw.

I do have a child. She is great. My reason for staying on this planet. I am sad she has seen me go through so much. I am a shell of who I once was before tragedy struck. But at least I understand now what I have endured. And that helps. I also just got a puppy for emotional support. I had a dog die unexpectedly around the time my husband left me and that did not help at all. But I am reaching once more for things to push me to try and restore my emotions, to not dissociate. I lived my whole life dissociating. It's all I know. It's what I did to cope. But I would like to live more than that.

I have a counselor. She got me through the most horrific panic attacks last year. I understand why it is so tough for all of us here to restore trust and faith in others: but don't give up.

My mom died two weeks ago and I am still negotiating my divorce. But, the BPD and NPD relatives have been hovering me since she died and this is endangering my progress I worked hard for all year. I am glad I found this board and the resources. Reading others going through CPTSD and finding ways to cope is helpful. I hope sharing my story helps.

I am coping with divorce right now and keeping these toxic relatives away. And keeping my panic attacks away and trying to reverse isolative preferences. It's allot. Some days I want to give up because it's exhausting. But, finding what gives me some crumb of joy helps. My child and my puppy give me joy. I work on myself for them. That is something.