My question is to People Who Primarily Have the Fight Response.
So, husband seems to be a person with mostly maladaptive fight response, with fawn as a second. I know he was abused as a child, never had father, and rejected, guilt tripped, and used like a slave by his mother.
So it's not his fault that he is the way he is. His focus is on his hurt. Which I can understand. Why wouldn't your focus be on your hurt? Except he's hurting his own family, and he doesn't seem to recognize it. He's essentially hurting me because his mother hurt him, but he doesn't realize it.
So my question is to People Who Primarily Have the Fight Response:
When did you realize that you were hurting others, and that was not okay?
One such person said that reading Understanding Your Borderline Mother helped him understand himself.
So I wonder if buying him book would help. But it's iffy if he would read it.
Seriously... after 24 year of marriage, I wonder if throwing up my hands, yelling THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS, and leaving would be a better solution. But I actually LIKE him. And care about him getting better for his sake... no one should be in that much pain.
So, husband seems to be a person with mostly maladaptive fight response, with fawn as a second. I know he was abused as a child, never had father, and rejected, guilt tripped, and used like a slave by his mother.
So it's not his fault that he is the way he is. His focus is on his hurt. Which I can understand. Why wouldn't your focus be on your hurt? Except he's hurting his own family, and he doesn't seem to recognize it. He's essentially hurting me because his mother hurt him, but he doesn't realize it.
So my question is to People Who Primarily Have the Fight Response:
When did you realize that you were hurting others, and that was not okay?
One such person said that reading Understanding Your Borderline Mother helped him understand himself.
So I wonder if buying him book would help. But it's iffy if he would read it.
Seriously... after 24 year of marriage, I wonder if throwing up my hands, yelling THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS, and leaving would be a better solution. But I actually LIKE him. And care about him getting better for his sake... no one should be in that much pain.