Sage's Journal

[Blueberry]

Hello Sage / Cactus Flower,

Having Kizzie approve pics is for your safety!  It's easy to get kind of carried away online, even on OOTS. Even here, people may not be who they say they are. There have been trolls in the past. It is your decision to put a picture of yourself on here, but do please be wary, even if you have to wait a little bit for Kizzie. She will get round to it. There used to be a few more Mods on here, including myself, now she's alone. 

Amended July 17th: removed quotation from Guidelines 

[CactusFlower]

Ah, that makes sense. Thank you, Blueberry. I'll go ahead and modify that post to remove the link, then. I would volunteer to help, but I honestly don't have the bandwidth to do that in any group right now, no offense. I was just thinking of not making too much work for Kizzie. Thank you for the reminder, since it's been a while since signing up.

[CactusFlower]

Blueberry's reminder below (thank you again!) actually made me think for a second about something. My abuser, whom I haven't seen or heard from since 1988, is old. There is a part of me that is actually okay with that. Does it mean I will likely never be able to confront them? Yes. Is that necessary? Honestly, not really. It won't change what happened, even if I will never forgive him. And it's extremely likely he never changed, either. But he should be... uhh.... (math sucks)  70 now. To be blunt, if he's not dead yet, it won't be long, and I'm fine with that. When I was in my twenties, I used to occasionally fantasize about what I'd say if he showed up. How I'd verbally tear into him. But over the years, that fantasy kinda petered out. He doesn't deserve my time or energy, even for that. All I can say is that I do feel sorry for that woman he married and whatever kid they had, because he was a master of gaslighting. But, long story short, it wouldn't make me unhappy in the least if I found out he wasn't amongst the living anymore.

[CactusFlower]

I just have to share something that never fails to make me smile. My chubby tortiseshell kitty, Pumpkin.

Pumpkin doesn't care about most cat toys, but her favorite item in the world is a black bootlace. She also has 4 other shoelaces, but the black one is her fav. I'm trying to clean and put them all in the living room. She went in there, cussed for a few minutes loudly, and dragged the black one back in the bedroom. DON'T MOVE IT AGAIN!   hahahahahhahaha  It's so flipping cute.

[Blueberry]

I would volunteer to help, but I honestly don't have the bandwidth to do that in any group right now, no offense. I was just thinking of not making too much work for Kizzie. Thank you for the reminder, since it's been a while since signing up.

No offense taken. The rule of thumb here on OOTS is that your own recovery takes priority over things like moderating. I've learnt to prioritise my recovery now too which is the main reason why I stopped moderating. There are little things that I and others do to lessen Kizzie's load e.g. welcoming new mbrs (you probably do that too) and reporting the occasional dodgy post. 

[Blueberry]

Pets are just so cute in how they communicate 

[CactusFlower]

your own recovery takes priority over things like moderating.

Of course! I have definitely noticed a big drop-off in activities that I have energy for since starting this journey. I didn't have a lot to start with, but I've definitely not been as creative/crafty as normal, that kind of thing. I keep thinking of stuff, like "oo I want to write again" or "I suppose I could try to crochet" but my concentration and patience is just shot.

[CactusFlower]

Well, the quiet fidget toys came. I really like them. these should really help deter some of the skin picking, I hope. Unfortunately, I didn't get my crutch cuffs, they'll probably be here tomorrow, I'm hoping. Tracking shows them in Denver at about 4:30pm, so they're not making here tonight, that's for sure. But that has nothing to do with the company, that's FedEx's fault. At least they're on the way.

Got more cleaning done today, it wasn't as terrible as I thought in the bedroom. Laundry bags hide a lot, LOL.  Kitchen tomorrow. I've always hated cleaning the kitchen for some reason. Bro did the bathroom today, so that's nicer. That at least leaves the sweeping for Sunday or even Monday morning. I have my video games, the tv, fidget toys, and medication, so I don't foresee being all that anxious the day of. Remembering what Jazzy said about they really just want to look at the bones of the place, they're not here to judge me, really helps. Still, I'll be glad when it's over, that's for sure.

[CactusFlower]

Did about half the kitchen yesterday, but will do rest today then reward myself. it's National ice Cream Day, oh darn. LOL I think the small but steady progress on the cleaning is helping the anxiety a little as well. That or I'm too tired to care, but whatever works, LOL.

My crutch cuffs arrived! FedEx was quite early, but I'm pleased. Bro had to help because I apparently don't have the hand strength to depress those two little spring pins into their holes, but he got them off and the new ones on. I then cleaned the whole crutches with clorox wipes, so they're drying and will be decorated later. FUN.

[CactusFlower]

Creativity achieved, check back for pic of decorated crutches!

[CactusFlower]

Well, the owner's visit is over with. Honestly, they weren't even here that long. They kinda just looked at the layout of the place and where the hot water heater was. not terrible. I can feel myself coming down from the anxiety and all the cleaning I've done over the past few days. So tired. I might even nap. Bro was nice enough earlier to go out and get some lunch for us, but I gotta stop eating junk. It's hard to think of things that are low to no cook for hard days without resorting to ramen/sandwiches all the time. Having a kitchen that gets sweatingly hot if I cook in this weather bites, too. Maybe next trip I'll get some things like chicken nuggets and taquitos, not great, but can be put in the air fryer.

[rainydiary]

Sage, I am glad to hear the visit went smooth.  I can relate to putting in a lot of emotional, physical, and mental prep.  I can also relate to what you say about meal prep on "those days."  When I have the energy, I have found it helpful to plan out meals on a calendar.  Then I don't have to think and just make what I planned.  I include days for eating out too.  It doesn't always work but often is helpful. 

[BeeKeeper]

Cactus Flower! I didn't realize you had a dual identity!

I'm really loving the attachment of the decorated crutches! Yay! It makes using them so much happier, at least I imagine. Back in the day, I used a cane and frequently thought of how to make it just like this! 

[Armee]

Hi Sage,

I'm so glad that stressful visit from the owner is off your plate now. Good job buying some easy to cook food. You're right they aren't the best but they aren't the worst either, especially air fried and served with a few veggies. Between the heat and the FM you deserve a break. 

Love the new arm crutches!!! Flair!

[CactusFlower]

I'm so glad you can all see the crutch pic now. Yup, just two kinds of decorated duct tape, put on in vertical strips. I did use an exacto-type knife to make the little cutouts where the adjustment pins are, even though they won't move. I'm short, so they're on the lowest setting, LOL. I'm happy with how they came out.

I think the best part, for me, about deciding to come up with low-effort meals is we're really really bad about leftovers. it's got to be really wonderful food for me to eat more the next day. I generally want something, then don't want it again for at least several days. This can lead to wastage if I cook. I've tried freezing leftovers sometimes, and then it just sits in the freezer for months. Soups usually aren't as bad to do, but I'm not making things like chili, stew, or chicken and dumplings when it's in the 90's every day. Our apartment has a swamp cooler and the air just never gets to the kitchen. It's an old place, probably built in the 30s or 40s at most. Not designed for the most efficient air flow, alas. But to get back on topic, low-effort meals tend to leave less leftovers. Here's the ideas I've come up with so far. Many can be done in either the air fryer, microwave, or aren't cooked.

chicken nuggets or patties with tater tots or some other kind of potato
taquitos (frozen rolled taco things)
"charcuterie" - i.e., sliced meats, cheese, crackers, and olives or raw veggies
salad kits, although I sometimes only eat half the bag and the other half then rots before I want that again...
PB&J
meat sandwiches
eggs in some manner, sometimes with toast
ramen (I like to add my own seasoning and sometimes a little veggie and chicken if I have them)
pasta, either plain with butter or pre-made mixes
quesadillas
Mediterranean cold pasta salad

I'm getting a few ideas from other forums where other people have posted and asked for ideas, but I also can't do it all at once or it gets overwhelming. My BFF just got a membership to Costco, so he said I can go with him whenever I might need something in bulk. We'll see.