Freaking out...

[Chickpea77]

I'm sorry if this isn't the place I should be posting, but I have had a triggering event and I am just learning to deal with the worst of things, and I need some help getting through this moment.....
I am almost 40 now. When I was 16 I moved out with my boyfriend. He was an alcoholic and abusive. He strangled me until he thought I was dead. I have been in therapy on and off for years, but over the past 5 years things have been worse. There are many factors and many different traumatic experiences in my life, but this is the one I am dealing with right now. I had my first flashback of recent times while in a therapy session a few weeks ago. It was terrifying and I am barely holding it together in fear of it happening again. I used to run a home daycare and last night one of the dad's stopped by on a walk with his sons, one of which used to stay with me during the days his parents were working. He was with me for over 3 years. My husband lost his * last night about this man stopping by and how he really doesn't like him and he is so shady and why is he coming to see me, and why does he stop by all the time. He was slamming things and swearing and yelling and raging. I do not know what is true in my life anymore when it comes to my reactions. Therapy is breaking down the things I thought were true and helping me to see things for what they really are. My husband is a VERY jealous person. I am a very loving person--I make family, not friends, with the people I meet. I was raging this morning, so angry that he would dare try to control my social life due to his own insecurities. I feel so wrong done by. I should feel for him, but I feel like I cannot be controlled again. I feel like this is completely out of proportion to reality right now, but now my anxiety is so high that I want to hide before he gets home from work. I do not want to see him. I am terrified. I am afraid I am going to have another flashback and I am afraid to go there. I am not ready to remember..... Please help....

[Dee]

Do you know how to ground yourself?  Take some deep breaths, slow things down.  Try to focus on your 5 senses.  My therapist says I have 5 fingers, one for each sense.  Take take to see, feel, touch, smell, and taste.  This should get you to a calmer place where you can approach this calmer.

[Three Roses]

I feel so wrong done by. I should feel for him, but I feel like I cannot be controlled again.

Your needs come first. You do not have to take care of others' feelings (I know, easier said than done). Please continue to post here, we care about you.