Therapisrs

[Zena]

Hi everyone.  I am new to this forum.  I just want to say in advance, thank you for sharing your experiences.  It's heartening to know that there are people in the world who understand the challenges of living life with CPTSD.
I have been in therapy for many times over the years.  For the past two years,  I've been seeing a psychiatrist who is a therapist and specializes in trauma.  In my last session, we were going over the symptoms of PTSD in terms of severity for the purpose of filling out forms for my insurance company, regarding long term disability.  I noticed that my therapist seemed frustrated, so I mentioned this to her.  She said that she was frustrated about the length of time that it was taking for my symptoms to dissipate.  I left the office in tears feeling like a failure and I went to that horrible place where I thought, "I will never be well".  I am 61 and can no longer work as a social worker and I am plagued with chronic insomnia, fatigue and anxiety.  I think that my therapist was hoping that I would be off all medication, sleeping and going back to work by now.  I am feeling discouraged😔

[Blueberry]

I'm so sorry, Zena.    You're not a failure. Maybe your therapist is failing in her job at least on the compassion front? Is she treating you for PTSD? Or CPTSD? Because if she's a specialist for mono-trauma only, that could explain why you're not progressing as fast as she thinks you ought to be.

I don't think a professional should say what your therapist did, though I have heard similar myself over the years. It's not helpful. She should take her frustration somewhere else. It's not your fault she's feeling that way.

FWIW I've been in healing for years now too and I still can't work full-time or anything like. I hope you begin to feel less discouraged by reading on the forum.

[mourningdove]

Hi zena and welcome!

I agree with everything Blueberry said. I think it was inappropriate and unprofessional for your psychiatrist to have said to you what she did. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that when you were already struggling.

[sanmagic7]

hey, zena, i echo the thoughts and sentiments of blueberry and mourningdove.  very unprofessional, inappropriate.  therapists have supervisors or other therapists to go to when they're feeling frustrated for whatever reason, instead of laying it on their clients.

i also agree that if you're not being treated for c-ptsd as opposed to ptsd, it may explain why you're not seeing the progress you expected or wanted.  but, you're not the failure, a client cannot fail at therapy.  when i was in training, it was pounded into our brains that whatever is happening with the client, be they stuck, not moving forward, having an attitude, being resistant - whatever might be going on with the client, it is always, and i repeat ALWAYS up to the therapist to take a fresh look at the situation and do something different.  the fault and/or responsibility never lies with the client.

i'm very sorry she said that to you, making you feel worse about yourself rather than better.  that's not ok.  you're well within your rights to bring it up to her next time, and i hope, if you do, that you get an apology from her.  i know therapists can make mistakes, but if they do, they'd better make them right again. 

if i sound harsh, it's because i hate seeing clients come out of a session feeling bad.  always remember, it's not on you.    i hope any of this is helpful.  i wish you the best with this, and that it doesn't happen again, ever.   big hug.

[Hazy111]

hey, zena, i echo the thoughts and sentiments of blueberry and mourningdove.  very unprofessional, inappropriate.  therapists have supervisors or other therapists to go to when they're feeling frustrated for whatever reason, instead of laying it on their clients.

i also agree that if you're not being treated for c-ptsd as opposed to ptsd, it may explain why you're not seeing the progress you expected or wanted.  but, you're not the failure, a client cannot fail at therapy.  when i was in training, it was pounded into our brains that whatever is happening with the client, be they stuck, not moving forward, having an attitude, being resistant - whatever might be going on with the client, it is always, and i repeat ALWAYS up to the therapist to take a fresh look at the situation and do something different.  the fault and/or responsibility never lies with the client.

i'm very sorry she said that to you, making you feel worse about yourself rather than better.  that's not ok.  you're well within your rights to bring it up to her next time, and i hope, if you do, that you get an apology from her.  i know therapists can make mistakes, but if they do, they'd better make them right again. 

if i sound harsh, it's because i hate seeing clients come out of a session feeling bad.  always remember, it's not on you.    i hope any of this is helpful.  i wish you the best with this, and that it doesn't happen again, ever.   big hug.

Thanks SanMagic7, i think i may need a new therapist???!!!

[sanmagic7]

hazy, maybe.  i take it you can relate to something i wrote.  i just hope you're not being hurt/damaged by therapy or your therapist.  that wouldn't be cool at all.  the client's interests and recovery should always come first.  best to you.  big hug.

[lambchop]

  Zena & welcome,

I'm 65, am empathetic to your symptoms (I have them too) and have been in/out of therapy since I was 19. I've probably seen close to 15, even 20 therapists or support groups over my lifetime and am a strong believer in what psychiatry/psychology can achieve for mental/emotional health issues. It only takes one to help set you on the right path and for me that happened with my first therapist. Everyone since has not worked out for any number of reasons. Most having to do with just not being the right fit or some twist of fate stepped in the way terminating the relationship (no reflection on their skills). There were a few who showed overt signs of incompetence early enough that I terminated the relationship before any damage could be made. I've learned over the years that if I felt triggered by something the therapist said, didn't say, did, didn't do, I would bring it up - more than once if I had to. Any good therapist would and should explain themselves, as well as apologize if they were out of line.

However, there were two that were particularly damaging to my recovery and left quite an impact. One, at our final group session, went around the room and shared her perspective on each of our progress. I won't repeat what she stated about me but suffice it to say that jaws dropped. The other was recent and this site got me through that. I knew I wanted to end the relationship (which may not be what you want) but didn't know how. I took the advice of a member and sent her an email elaborating on why I felt the need to terminate the relationship. As diplomatically as I could, I explained why I felt unheard and humiliated by her. She quickly called and offered a sincere apology while also admitting that she didn't have the level of expertise to meet my needs. She also offered a referral. I was grateful. While they both impeded my recovery, I believe those of us with CPTSD have incredible resilience – so they didn't damage my psyche.

Do not believe you are a failure when the truth is you survived the odds and that makes you a success. I have to wonder though when you say she was frustrated that perhaps she was inferring about herself rather than you? I hope this helps....    

[Babysister]

but, you're not the failure, a client cannot fail at therapy.  when i was in training, it was pounded into our brains that whatever is happening with the client, be they stuck, not moving forward, having an attitude, being resistant - whatever might be going on with the client, it is always, and i repeat ALWAYS up to the therapist to take a fresh look at the situation and do something different.  the fault and/or responsibility never lies with the client.

Sanmagic
Wow that must be old skool therapy Sanmagic because most therapists I met were happy to blame clients for their own failure to understand narcissistic abuse. The people who really need therapy are Narcissists and Psychopaths-and they are never going to get it because they refuse to admit to their personality disordered psychosis-their victims are not pathological so other than Marriage counselors I don't see how the occupation "therapist"  :blahblahblah:helps anyone.  I am speaking in terms of those abused by Narcissists which is a majority of people seeking therapy.

[sanmagic7]

hey, babysis,

i do believe that therapy, the right kind with the right t, can help those of us who have been damaged by the npd's and others even if the others don't get help.  you're right, the others aren't going to claim their disorders, but we can claim our wounds and get help in healing from them.

we can't change them, but we can explore what they've done to us with someone as a guide to help us through the myriad tangles and manifestations of our traumatic experiences at their hands.  this is a tough enough row to hoe with help from others, be it the beautiful people on this forum, to other support groups for survivors, to one on one therapy with someone who makes us feel safe, listened to, heard, and validated.  it is possible.

if i'm old school, then so be it.  i do what i believe is right for the client first and foremost.  shaming, blaming, belittling, or any other kind of thing that makes someone feel lesser than when they first came into the t's office is, in my mind, simply wrong.  i do believe there are other t's out there who feel and believe the same.  i hope that someday you'll find someone like that.  it can really help.  i wish you hadn't had such terrible experiences. 

by the by, babysis, thanks for your pm's.  i wrote back, but was told that you didn't accept any pm's, so i just wanted to let you know that i got them and loved them.  love to you, too.  hugs.