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Dutch Uncle,

Thank you for your supportive words of encouragement and your understanding. I will definitely check those links out, I really appreciate your help!  I just bookmarked his website and am planning on ordering once I have some extra funds.  I always liked something my High School counselor used to say, "little by little, bit by bit, I am improving everyday!"

Kizzie,

Thank you for the warm welcome! Your description feels so true to me, but I believe you are right, I feel like I might be getting closer to solid ground. Your kindness and compassion really mean the world to me! 

[Possible Trigger Warning]

 Hello! I just found this site last week and saved a lot of the articles as PDFs just to read them later. Reading the forums before signing up really helped me feel like I will be understood here; it's taken a lot of courage but I decided to post.

A quick overview/introduction of what I've been through. Possible Trigger Warning I won't go into detail but I will mention breifly what happened to me sexually and the chronic depression that followed.

I was sexually abused by my biological brother (my only sibling) on and off for 9 years. After I told my parents, at 14, they tried being supportive but ultimately my brother was protected and got more assistance and care than I. The abuse was defined as mutual and my truth got buried. This had a huge impact on me. I lost my virginity to rape at 16 years old, to a class mate, but didn't know how to tell anyone right away. When I did, it wasn't seen as rape. I met an abusive man who groomed me at 17 and I stayed with that man for 5 years; he sexually, physically, verbally and emotionally abused and tortured me on almost a daily basis. I got out of that relationship in 2014, after being raped several more times in those 5 years, by my ex and by a stranger (brother of a friend) on seperate occasions.

Now I am 24 years old, living with my cat and loving, supportive fiancé. I had a suicide attempt last year in October, but I am going to therapy once a week and reprocessing my traumatic past. The nightmares, triggers, depression, spotty memory and social anxiety hold me back the most. I have gotten to a point, however, where I can notice the changes I am making even if the next day I have a break down. It's important to me to heal and find my true self so that I may share that hope, light, and wisdom with people who need it. I don't really know how to wrap this up, but it was difficult getting to this point, but I am here now, and that's what counts, right?

Also, I was wondering what the name of that Pete Walker book is that everyone is talking about here. It sounds wonderful and I would love to order it.

Thank you for reading my breif story.