Miswired Circuits/Things That Spark

[Papa Coco]

Bach, Here's a big hug:    I hope you can feel it, because I don't send these lightly. I mean it when I send it.

[Bach]

Let's all break things.  And hug!  Thank you, friends 

Meanwhile, I'm over here trying to find a self.  I don't know if I ever had one.  I may have sort of had one when I was younger, but there's really almost nothing now that I can put my finger on as being ME.  The other day someone asked me what my hobbies were and I couldn't answer.  I am empty.  There is NOTHING in here. 

[Cascade]

Bach, you are not alone.  I can only say I am also trying to define my Self.  I started a journal entry a few weeks ago called, "Who is [Name]?"  It didn't feel very helpful or satisfying when I was done.  Wish I had more wisdom or encouragement to offer.

Count me in for the breaking party. 
Maybe through destruction, creation can emerge.

[Bach]

I'm like a child or a prey animal, scared of everything, all the time. It's getting worse, not better. For a long time it was getting better but I feel like those days are gone.

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry that's the way things are for you atm.    if helpful Bach, otherwise ignore.

[NarcKiddo]

That's horrid. I hope you have somewhere cozy and safe, even if it's just bed, where you can spend at least some time to regroup.


 

[Bach]

Yesterday in therapy I had a pretty intense session talking about some things regarding my mother and my brother.  After the session I felt good, like I'd freed myself from something.  But today I am very low and I don't have that feeling anymore.  I really want to write what I talked about but now the words won't come out. 

[NarcKiddo]

 

[Little2Nothing]

Bach, I have been there myself. My thoughts are with you.

[Blueberry]

I've been there too Bach. 

[Hope67]

Hi Bach,
I am thinking of you, and wanted to send you a hug 
Hope 

[sanmagic7]

also been there, bach, including w/ the back and forth stuff.  my heart is with you as you try to find your 'self'. i get it, haven't had a lot of my 'self' during my lifetime, either.  still not sure, but i don't feel as floaty as i once did, so i think that's a step in the right direction.

hang tough, ok?  hangin' right beside you.  love and hugs

[Bach]

NarcKiddo, Little2Nothing, Blueberry, Hope and san, thank you so much for being here and understanding.  And anyone else who reads here, thank you, too!  I appreciate you all so very much   

I've been trying to write a post for ages and really struggling with words.  I was having some strange symptoms with my vision and having intense health paranoia as a result of that, irrationally fearing the very worst.  Well, yesterday I went to the eye doctor and found out that I have a detached retina in my left eye.  Which is scary, but not as scary as the stroke or brain tumour I was worrying about.  "Easily treatable", I'm told.  Easy for who, the doctor?  Doesn't sound like it will be very easy for me.  I'm having surgery tomorrow morning, which will be followed by a recovery period of unspecified length, at least one week, during which I will have to literally keep my head down.  As in, pointed towards the floor. I'm renting special furniture to keep my head in the correct position for sitting and sleeping.  Not sure how the rest of life will work with that.  I guess I'll find out.  It will take several weeks after that for my vision to return.  But again, at least it's not a stroke or a brain tumour or anything else permanently disabling, and my vision is expected to return.  I've handled my anxiety pretty well so far despite how big a fear and trigger the thought of losing my vision is for me.

[Armee]

Oh my word that sounds horrid!