Nobody knows what is wrong with me, my husband has and shows no interest in me and thinks anyone with a mental health problem actually has nothing wrong with them- because he can't see anything I.e if I was covered in spots or had a bandage around me he would get it! I'm able to disassociate into an imaginary world where everything is great and I am the supportive one to everyone else, once home alone the mask comes off and I crumble into a hundred pieces. I would really like to be able to share with friends and family, but I have embarrassment, shame, where do I begin issues which hold me back. My counsellor tells me I won't progress without support and I can't go through this on my own or without the backing of other people, but I just can't do it. It's a very lonely painful existence, but I just can't let anyone else in on it all.
We are here for you, Eyessoblue. We will be here to listen to you, just listen, if you want; to help you find solutions; to validate and encourage you. We will bear witness to the pain you hold back and give you an outlet to express it.
Here, there is a whole community of people who know what it's like to walk around with wounds no one can see. Hang on, big hugs to you, Eyessoblue.
It's horrable, but I found that I have had to go it alone. However in going it alone I found out that I did have support from unexpected places. Thoughs people actuly ment more to me then I realised.
We know what's wrong with you, Eyessoblue! We've all got the same beast here, even though not all of us have the exact same symptoms. And we are here for you. :hug:
If you feel you can't let other people IRL in on it, I'd go with that feeling. Opening up to the wrong people can be devastating and worsen your condition. I can really relate to lonely and painful so for you :bighug: I feel a lot of support here on the forum. I read and write here almost every day. It feels less lonely when people understand where I'm coming from. Though IRL I do now have good, understanding friends and a fairly big circle of acquaintances. Hasn't always been this way though. Hope to see you around on the forum, posting whenever it helps you!
Thanks blueberry, I had an appointment with a trauma psychologist yesterday who wants me to do EMDR, she is very concerned that I have no support within my family and friends. She said I need a support network and is reluctant to start EMDR until I can show her I have one. I told her it's not going to happen, no one knows anything about my past and my husband chooses not to know so what am I supposed to do? With that she couldn't answer.
Maybe this forum qualifies as support? :Idunno: Ask and see what she says, couldn't hurt.
i thought the same as 3 roses. this place has been more of a support for me than most anyone i've known in person. for me, personally, i would've put it on my list. best to you with this, for sure. big hug to you, eyessoblue.
Eyessoblue, I agree with the others that this forum is your hidden armour as you go through therapy. It's safe here.
EMDR should be done at your pace, not what the therapist thinks is right. I'm particularly interested to read about your experiences in and thoughts about T, because as you know I'm on the waiting list for the same thing. First question: has she distinguished between PTSD-simple and CPTSD? I understand the treatment needs to be different.
I too have no friends who've acknowledged my diagnosis, and H has a million ways of showing me that with the best will in the world, he just doesn't get it. It's hard even to get him to read stuff or watch a youtube about CPTSD.
But we ARE here for you, and may well turn out to be better than any T.
Agree with the others that you should mention this forum as a particular place of support!
My T recently asked me if I could manage daily life without therapy now. I spontaneously said that since finding this forum, YES! We're still doing trauma processing and my progress on going LC on family etc but just getting by day-to-day or being able to share my progress, get support (even if cyber) - this forum is the place for me, almost DAILY. Way better for me than a self-help group where you go in person, and I get triggered and trigger others.
Thank you everyone. Candid, I said to her about cptsd and she told me it's ptsd, although my last counsellor told me it is cptsd so very confusing, she said cptsd isn't officially recognised therefore it can't be diagnosed. I said my symptoms are more cptsd then ptsd and she asked me why so I told her and she said that the similarities are very similar but wouldn't talk about it being cptsd. I found counselling itself really hard and after each session I would self harm as I couldn't deal with what was brought up, she told me EMDR wouldn't do that and would sort things out much easier mentally and said at the most I'd probably need is 6 sessions which I was shocked at as thought I'd need loads. I am sceptical about it as I'm worried what the affects might be but she seems to think it's definitely the right move for me. I've got my first appointment with her in 2 weeks which isn't for EMDR but for her getting to know me and finding out about my trauma etc, I'll keep you informed on how it goes. Thank you sanmagic, blueberry and threeroses for your continued support, oh she also told me not to look at or join Any forums as they are likely to be unhelpful and fill me with information I don't need!! I don't know how I could have survived without this website it's filled me with hope and provided information and care when I most needed it. Thank you all.
Oh gee, Eyessoblue, I'm sorry but it sounds as if your T doesn't understand enough. C-PTSD may not be an official diagnosis but enough therapists round the globe see it in their patients and adapt their methods accordingly.
Does she know you self-harm after sessions? That's a red flag for me. An even bigger red flag would be if you've told her and she's proceeding regardless. Hope this isn't the case.
Her telling you not to join forums like this is a ginormous red flag for me. Sounds as if she doesn't want you to be able to find information for yourself which can lead to dependence on T. Maybe she wants you dependent on her? A covert narc T. Just what you doN't need. Maybe others can give you ideas on how best to work with this, if as I think is the case in your country, you can't change Ts. :hug:
Quote from: Eyessoblue on April 29, 2017, 09:32:45 PM
I said to her about cptsd and she told me it's ptsd
Oh, I don't like the trend of this. And it gets worse:
Quoteshe said at the most I'd probably need is 6 sessions
she also told me not to look at or join Any forums
She sounds very... erm,
confident about her ability to fix people! First she disagrees with you as to what you see as the problem, then she tells you she can fix it in a jiffy provided you don't look for information elsewhere. At the very least, this is a disempowering T.
I once asked my EMDR therapist what her success rate was, and she told me "100 per cent, provided people stick with it". Well, I stuck with it for
two years and nothing shifted. So I decamped, and she'd still be claiming her 100 per cent success rate because I did.
In two years I didn't have time to tell her all that had happened to me, and I think that's the important part. We trawl our memories on the forum, and for me at least it helps shift things when people see what I went through, put themselves in my shoes, and give me virtual hugs. Like, just recently Blueberry acknowledged something I'd mentioned several times, and my memories of the Event have softened considerably.
Diane Langberg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otxAuHG9hKo says the 'cure' for CPTSD is Talk, Tears and
Time. It doesn't sound as though this NHS T is prepared to give you any of that.
Candid, I deep down am thinking the same but not sure what to do, she also claims to have a hundred percent success rate providing I do all the homework she sets me with it, she claims everyone she has treated goes away a completely different person and has basically told me it's what I 'have' to do to get through it. I am prepared to try it and see where it takes me.
Blueberry, yes the fact that I did self harm after therapy is the reason she said EMDR is the way forward for me, she said after each session I will have put all the missing links to the jigsaw puzzle together and will feel so much lighter and clearer mentally that self harming wouldn't even occur to me. I am worried though as this is all done through the NHS which gives limited appointments to people due to the fact that mental health is so major in the uk and they don't t have the staff or time to dedicate enough appointments to everyone, I'm hoping I'm just not another name on the list who is given this and then hoping at the end of it I'm sorted then crossed off the list- which I kind of think it might be. I am looking at the view that it's something I haven't tried and maybe the answer I need and I guess if it isn't and doesn't work then I will come away from the NHS procedures and look privately for myself. I have heard a lot of positive and a lot of negative about EMDR but I guess if I don't try then I won't know.
This is so disappointing after your long wait for help. She sounds very controlling,
Quotehas basically told me it's what I 'have' to do to get through it.
I agree, you'll probably go through the allocated six weeks then be crossed off, another statistic for her 100 per cent success rate regardless of how you feel about it.
Apart from all the own-trumpet-blowing she does, is she a likeable person? Do you feel comfortable with her?
I would probably decide the same as you, go though it and see what happens. I don't believe any T could do more harm to me than has been done already.
Keen to hear how this pans out at each appointment. I hope you're not about to stop posting on her say-so, but will understand if you do.
eyessoblue, several red flags went up for me as i read what you've had to say.
100% success rate - i just can't see it! no one is perfect, no t is perfect, no treatment is going to fit every single person, no matter how much homework you do.
ptsd vs. c-ptsd -- she's correct that c-ptsd is not in the diagnostic manual, so is not routinely used as a diagnosis for insurance, etc. however. that doesn't mean c-ptsd isn't a real thing, or that it's the same as ptsd. those in charge of putting that manual together decided amongst themselves that there wasn't enough 'difference' between the two to warrant a separate diagnosis for c-ptsd. it's apparent to me that none of them have ever experienced c-ptsd, or they'd know. there are other diagnoses, however, that have been used for ins. claims at the same time the t recognizes the s/he is treating the client for c-ptsd. we've been playing that diagnostic game with ins. companies for ages.
denying straight out that you have c-ptsd - sounds to me that she's quite closed-minded and controlling, does not want to take your perspective and experience into account when making up your treatment plan.
6 sessions to 'cure' what ails you - in many instances, emdr is able to clear up and resolve ptsd symptoms because it is a single incident that is being addressed. c-ptsd is made up of many and ongoing incidents of a personal, rather than an impersonal (like a car accident) nature. it often takes much longer to sift through all the layers of trauma that come with c-ptsd.
telling you not to find info on your own - sounds very controlling, like she wants you to only hear and learn her points of view, rather than exploring various perspectives. every diagnosis i've ever gotten, mental or physical, i've researched for different perspectives and insights. some are helpful, some have not been, but i don't trust any single point of view when it comes to my health.
the best trauma therapists i've known or heard of are very concerned with the well-being of the client and want to go slowly so as not to re-traumatize anyone. emdr can be extremely helpful for trauma provided the therapist acknowledges the type of trauma being dealt with, is warm, caring, and concerned, puts forth his/her best effort to establish a safe environment and relationship for the client, and does not rush to dismiss, minimize, or deny anything the client is saying.
telling you that your recovery is on your shoulders re: doing what she says sounds just wrong to me. to put you into a pass-fail type situation which makes you responsible for how well your therapy goes doesn't seem helpful to me at the very least. to my mind, the therapist has the responsibility to enable and encourage resolution and healing in the client, not the other way around. i've given homework assignments, and even when the client doesn't do them, that's information for me to be going on with as to better ways to help the client achieve success.
for example, what if she sets an assignment for you that is too intense for you to deal with at that point in your recovery? does that give her the right to say, well, you didn't do what i told you to do, so failure in your recovery is your fault. no, that wouldn't be right. the fault is never with the client.
eyessoblue, i don't know what to tell you about this, these are just my impressions of the t from what you wrote. just know that the therapist is not an authority figure, but is meant to be a guide to help you get from where you are to where you want to go. you have every right to stand up for yourself, to question, to confront, to say that you need to go slower. i understand that the mental health system in the u.k. is difficult from reading about experiences on this forum.
i do hope that you will be able to get what you need to get your recovery on a good track. it would certainly be quite an accomplishment to have everything resolved in 6 sessions. if it isn't, however, that's not on you, no matter what. i don't care what she says. you will do the best you are able, and that's always good enough. my very best wishes for you in this endeavor. big hug.
Thank you sanmagic and candid. I've only had 1 meeting with her and I must admit I did feel she was quite controlling, I felt I was basically told that if I didn't do EMDR then nothing else would work for me, so I felt I had no alternative. Trouble is I'm such a negative thinker anyway so naturally I've been looking for every negative report or evidence of EMDR not working therefore I have convinced myself already it's not the right way to go, yet I feel I don't know what else to do, she explained that 1-1 counselling wasn't the way forward as it leaves me in too much of an emotional mess which is when I self harm, she said EMDR wouldn't have that effect on me which I did like the sound of and also she said I don't have to talk about everything which I do find difficult. I will have my appointment with her in a couple of weeks and see how I feel then I think and if it still doesn't feel right then I will have to say so.
Candid- I will keep you informed on what is happening, thank you both.
Quote from: Eyessoblue on May 01, 2017, 08:47:06 PM
she explained that 1-1 counselling wasn't the way forward as it leaves me in too much of an emotional mess which is when I self harm
If 1-1 counselling with her is leaving you in an emotional mess, I'd say that has to do with
her. She's probably triggering you in some way, i.e. by being controlling, by not really hearing you, by not leaving you options, or by forcing you to go too fast. I've been to a lot of therapists, counsellors and psycho-docs over the years, and there has only been one after whose appointments I regularly self-harmed, a psychiatrist who had a good reputation as trauma-specialist. In retrospect I imagine just for PTSD and not complex-PTSD. The last straw was when this psychiatrist told me that since I was neither employed at the time nor in a (romantic) relationship with anybody, nor looking for either of these two, then I was untreatable. That triggered me very badly and my GP suggested I stop going, which I did. By that time, I was taking the meds I'm still on, so I didn't need a psychiatrist any more.
Good luck to you, I realise it's not so easy in the UK to change therapists. But please know that you're not at fault! EMDR may well be the way to go, but I doubt it is with this therapist. :hug:
Quote from: Eyessoblue on May 01, 2017, 08:47:06 PM
I felt I was basically told that if I didn't do EMDR then nothing else would work for me, so I felt I had no alternative.
No therapist should ever make this claim, about
any kind of therapy. We are all unique, and what works for one won't work for others.
This is about her 100 per cent success rate again. If her clients aren't fixed, it's because they didn't do it right. :roll: And one thing most CPTSD clients have in common is a need to be seen as 'good' and 'compliant' by authority figures. We grew up blaming ourselves for everything, and we're only too quick to allow a therapist to do the same.
Quoteshe explained that 1-1 counselling wasn't the way forward as it leaves me in too much of an emotional mess which is when I self harm, she said EMDR wouldn't have that effect on me which I did like the sound of...
Sounds as though she's attempting hypnosis, getting you to believe what she wants you to believe. At a guess, that's why she doesn't want you looking at forums and getting outside opinions.
If you could trust her implicitly, this might work for you. I'm a great believer in
what we tell ourselves about ourselves is always true. Life's a head game, really. However, you're already having plenty of doubts.
I'll be following with interest, but if you want this to work you might consider staying off the forum and believing everything she tells you.