I tend to intellectualize things so maybe that will help shed light on what I mean by saying that I have experienced a profound paradigm shift as a result of finding this site. I am a professional female in my mid-forties, raised by parents with personality disorders (one borderline, one narcissist), married for twenty-five years to a man who I now understand is on the autism spectrum, and blessed/cursed with two teenagers on the autism spectrum (one Aspie, one with classic autism.) BTW, the "blessed/cursed" signifier has much more to do with their being teenagers than their being on the spectrum.
I've struggled for decades to understand my childhood, my self, and my marriage. It's been a pretty bumpy road but I seem to have a strong, if blind, survival instinct. I no longer have contact with my parents (one deceased, one estranged.) I am in a long, drawn out process of divorcing my husband. I am in the heartbreaking process of seeking emergency residential placement for one of my children because we can no longer meet his needs. I hit bottom about two to five years ago but the great thing about hitting bottom is that I finally found terra firma. I didn't know it at the time, but I had. Since then I have started to learn how to take care of myself. Last night, finding this site, I discovered why I didn't know how to do that in the first place. I feel relief and hope but am deeply concerned about one of my siblings whose survival instinct hasn't been as strong as mine, who is still being traumatized by the parent I walked away from, and who has no access to or interest in therapy.
I'll leave you with my current favorite quotation: "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Kierkegaard
I hope to learn much from all of you.
K.
I've struggled for decades to understand my childhood, my self, and my marriage. It's been a pretty bumpy road but I seem to have a strong, if blind, survival instinct. I no longer have contact with my parents (one deceased, one estranged.) I am in a long, drawn out process of divorcing my husband. I am in the heartbreaking process of seeking emergency residential placement for one of my children because we can no longer meet his needs. I hit bottom about two to five years ago but the great thing about hitting bottom is that I finally found terra firma. I didn't know it at the time, but I had. Since then I have started to learn how to take care of myself. Last night, finding this site, I discovered why I didn't know how to do that in the first place. I feel relief and hope but am deeply concerned about one of my siblings whose survival instinct hasn't been as strong as mine, who is still being traumatized by the parent I walked away from, and who has no access to or interest in therapy.
I'll leave you with my current favorite quotation: "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Kierkegaard
I hope to learn much from all of you.
K.