Hi all I am new to here you can call me Joe.
I am diagnosed with CPTSD and have a number of symptoms that impact my life and need to know if other people have had issues with controlling your emotions (anger) this particularly comes out when I am feeling emotionally overwhelmed, cornered or in a positioned where I feel I am being abandoned. usually in relationships. I am not violent towards people but I have urges and usually end up hitting a wall slamming a door and then locking myself in a room crying accompanied by feelings of self hatred and wanting to end my life. Alcohol does not help and exacerbates it, but it happens often when alcohol isn't involved.
A little bit about my trauma.
- Violence in household as child, alcoholism etc.
- Spent time on streets and incarcerated as a youth. In and out of detoxes, treatment centres, jail etc. I was using drugs and had multiple suicide attempts but never with the intent to die, still to this day I'm unsure why I did that, I also self harmed.
- I lived a very high risk lifestyle and experienced a lot of violence on the streets.
- Spent a long time in solitary confinement while incarcerated (I was a teenager)
- Got my life together in my early 20's and started working as a first responder. Exposed to a lot of continual trauma death etc through that work. I am considered to be a high achiever and high functioning individual but I constantly feel like I'm drowning.
- I still continue to struggle with substance use (alcohol and pot) Sometimes when my depression hits I contemplate using hard drugs again but I never do.
- People do not know about this side of me, only my partners and close supports. I present as "normal" in public and at work. Which makes it difficult and isolating in a weird way.
I am going to be seeing a psychiatrist and a counsellor but it would be helpful to hear that I am not alone and any tips in controlling these outbursts and my emotions. Also is it possibly to ever fully recover from trauma?
I am diagnosed with CPTSD and have a number of symptoms that impact my life and need to know if other people have had issues with controlling your emotions (anger) this particularly comes out when I am feeling emotionally overwhelmed, cornered or in a positioned where I feel I am being abandoned. usually in relationships. I am not violent towards people but I have urges and usually end up hitting a wall slamming a door and then locking myself in a room crying accompanied by feelings of self hatred and wanting to end my life. Alcohol does not help and exacerbates it, but it happens often when alcohol isn't involved.
A little bit about my trauma.
- Violence in household as child, alcoholism etc.
- Spent time on streets and incarcerated as a youth. In and out of detoxes, treatment centres, jail etc. I was using drugs and had multiple suicide attempts but never with the intent to die, still to this day I'm unsure why I did that, I also self harmed.
- I lived a very high risk lifestyle and experienced a lot of violence on the streets.
- Spent a long time in solitary confinement while incarcerated (I was a teenager)
- Got my life together in my early 20's and started working as a first responder. Exposed to a lot of continual trauma death etc through that work. I am considered to be a high achiever and high functioning individual but I constantly feel like I'm drowning.
- I still continue to struggle with substance use (alcohol and pot) Sometimes when my depression hits I contemplate using hard drugs again but I never do.
- People do not know about this side of me, only my partners and close supports. I present as "normal" in public and at work. Which makes it difficult and isolating in a weird way.
I am going to be seeing a psychiatrist and a counsellor but it would be helpful to hear that I am not alone and any tips in controlling these outbursts and my emotions. Also is it possibly to ever fully recover from trauma?