I have been in therapy for a number of years, yet it helps little.
(I think why it helps little is because therapy in the first place was a means for my mother.. augh, never mind)
If you want something done, you've got to do it yourself, maybe.
I don't have any good friends, and I've had four days off, and little contact with anyone. It's past noon and I'm still in pajamas. I am looking for a step by step, concrete way to start recovering from this latest blowback. I'm like a cat who is missing his cardboard box to squish into. I don't have a cardboard box. I'm drifting. The closest thing to a cardboard box that I've used is eating, and I'm overweight and can't stand it.
This latest blowback was, in group therapy, someone not being very nice. She messaged me on facebook because she was offended by my boundaries of not wanting to be facebook friends. I tried to explain it, but she'd deleted her account. I got called in to work that day and did a terrible job - haven't been called in for extra hours since. The next week I tried to explain again, and she left mid group. I was shaking. The week after that, she said she understood, as I tried yet again, and the entire rest of group lavished support on her. I swear she had that kind of vicious smile that.. anyway, the point is, I never want to go back there.
Since then the slightest things are hurting me even worse than they usually do. Someone doesn't text back? The world is over, it is my fault, etc. I am in pajamas at nearly 1pm.
I am trying so very hard to read the Pete Walker book, which I"m sure has recovery answers in it, but it sends me down a dark tunnel every time I try to read it. It's so exasperating that the slightest puff of wind will knock me over. The other problem with reading is that I had a mental breakdown five years ago and since then I can't read new material very well, most of what I can read is still in the young adult section (I'm 27).
So I'm looking for a solid routine to do for myself. I don't have much company otherwise, so I'm looking for a way to be company to myself, and to improve myself into being better company, better social skills so I can... no.
I'm looking for solid routines - morning, night, exercise, cleaning- so I have a solid seatbelt, a solid cardboard box to be able to squish myself into. I think a solid routine is a good first step to look at so I can take care of things like friends, relationships, family, down the road. Am I right? What do you think?
...Help?
(I think why it helps little is because therapy in the first place was a means for my mother.. augh, never mind)
If you want something done, you've got to do it yourself, maybe.
I don't have any good friends, and I've had four days off, and little contact with anyone. It's past noon and I'm still in pajamas. I am looking for a step by step, concrete way to start recovering from this latest blowback. I'm like a cat who is missing his cardboard box to squish into. I don't have a cardboard box. I'm drifting. The closest thing to a cardboard box that I've used is eating, and I'm overweight and can't stand it.
This latest blowback was, in group therapy, someone not being very nice. She messaged me on facebook because she was offended by my boundaries of not wanting to be facebook friends. I tried to explain it, but she'd deleted her account. I got called in to work that day and did a terrible job - haven't been called in for extra hours since. The next week I tried to explain again, and she left mid group. I was shaking. The week after that, she said she understood, as I tried yet again, and the entire rest of group lavished support on her. I swear she had that kind of vicious smile that.. anyway, the point is, I never want to go back there.
Since then the slightest things are hurting me even worse than they usually do. Someone doesn't text back? The world is over, it is my fault, etc. I am in pajamas at nearly 1pm.
I am trying so very hard to read the Pete Walker book, which I"m sure has recovery answers in it, but it sends me down a dark tunnel every time I try to read it. It's so exasperating that the slightest puff of wind will knock me over. The other problem with reading is that I had a mental breakdown five years ago and since then I can't read new material very well, most of what I can read is still in the young adult section (I'm 27).
So I'm looking for a solid routine to do for myself. I don't have much company otherwise, so I'm looking for a way to be company to myself, and to improve myself into being better company, better social skills so I can... no.
I'm looking for solid routines - morning, night, exercise, cleaning- so I have a solid seatbelt, a solid cardboard box to be able to squish myself into. I think a solid routine is a good first step to look at so I can take care of things like friends, relationships, family, down the road. Am I right? What do you think?
...Help?