Messages

Thank you Dollyvee 

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16th May 2024
I watched a film a couple of days ago, which I found very good to watch, as a younger part of me really focused on the experiences and issues raised within that film. 

Trigger Warning (TW) it is about CSA

The film is called 'The Girl Who Escaped: The Kara Robinson Story' - it is based on a real life story, and the girl was just 15 years old.  I just found the portrayal of the girl, and what happened, and how she reacted and the issues that were portrayed, it really helped a younger part of myself.  There was a point in the film when someone said "Just give her some time, she's processing a lot" and that also helped me.  I thought to myself that with regard to all my own issues from back then, that nobody ever took any  time whatsoever to consider my feelings, and how I was, and I never had time to process things.  Infact it's only really now, in my 6th decade of life (mid to late 50's) that I'm actually beginning to take time to process things - and I have only just really got my nervous system to focus on a less hypervigilant stressed state, so that I can begin to process things and see things.

I still find it very clunky to try to talk about any of this, and I've not done much of that verbally - I can write, but it feels clunky when I try to do that.  Sometimes I think that I might try some therapy to force myself to say things 'out loud' - as I feel that would be helpful, but I also don't feel I want to do that, as I fear how that whole thing would be.  I struggle currently to even see a medical kind of appointment, let alone face attending a therapy session.  I do know I could do it, and I could approach someone that I saw before, but somehow I don't want to.

I didn't realise that I'd end up writing this - it wasn't at all what I intended to write when I came here - but my rule of not editing myself, I'll leave it there.

Hope 

I was shut down in my family because no one wanted to hear what I had to say.

I felt a poignance within myself, when you said this, and I feel angry that your family did this.  I am so glad you're able to write about your thoughts and your feelings now, and I wanted you to know that I often read what you write, and I read all of this entry.  I related to many things you said within it.  I also wanted to send you a supportive hug 

Hope 

Dear NarcKiddo,
I'm glad to hear your update, and I really hope you get home and that your final night in the hospital goes ok - sending you a hug and hoping that you build up your strength and feel better really soon. 
Hope 

Hi Little2Nothing,
Going at a pace that is slower is most likely a good thing.  Rushing it could be potentially damaging.  I think it takes a significant amount of time.  I think you're doing well - making progress.

Hope 

Hi Bach,
I am thinking of you, and wanted to send you a hug 
Hope 

  I hope to write something to each of you, but right now, I'm just thanking you for what you wrote.   

I'm also sending you support, Slashy 

Hope 

Boundaries? Not allowed. Standing up for myself? Punished and gaslit into thinking it was me. So, the only thing that worked/was allowed was to block it out, or it just doesn't exist.

Wow Dollyvee, I relate to this so much.  I could have also written this about myself - it's quite a lightbulb moment to think that a perspective on something can be altered so much by this kind of stuff.  I think it's so unfair and horrible that this happens.  But it's also a way of coping, and I've done it too.  I'm glad that we can set our own boundaries as adults - although doing that can be challenging too.  I feel like I'm rambling now, but I just wanted you to know that I felt an affinity with what you wrote.

 
Hope 

Hi Bert,
I just wanted to say that I think it's good that you got through your first week at your new job, and I know you're experiencing some intense emotions and EFs over the weekend, but I hope that you are managing today - and that you are ok. 

I think it's good that you're more compassionate towards yourself.

Take care, and wishing you the best for today and tomorrow.  I hope it goes ok, and maybe better than you anticipate even.

Hope 

Hi NarcKiddo,
I am so sorry to hear that you're so unwell, and I hope that you can get into a private hospital soon to get the appropriate nursing care.   
Hope 

Hi Starting Healing,
Those stats you quoted by Morgan Stanley are interesting.  The nutrients in that seaweed also sound amazing.  I don't think I've ever eaten seaweed.  I imagine it would taste quite salty.  Have you tried any of it?  Are you thinking of trying it?

Anyway, just popped by to wish you the best for today.
Hope 

Hi PapaCoco,  It was lovely to read through your experiences in your latest journal entry - really lovely.  I very much like the thought of finding beauty in small things, and relishing that. 

I hope you are finding more of those to enjoy.
Hope 

Hi Sage,
It sounds like a really onerous system to do all of that.  I admire the fact you've been able to negotiate your way through it.  Sounds like you know what you're doing, and I hope it gets sorted later today. 
Hope 

Hi Blueberry,
I hope you sleep well. 
Hope 

Dear Woodsgnome,
I am glad that you enjoyed the sunrise a couple of days ago, and that enjoyed the sun's light brought some warmth to you, despite the lack of sleep you'd had during that long and fretful night.  I am so sorry that you're experiencing so much stuff from your memories.  It isn't fair how those things can clamour in like that. 

I really hope that you know how much you are valued in this community - you are such an inspiring person to me, and have been since I 'met' you a few years back.  I often use some visualisations when I'm meditating that include you and other forum members - enjoying the equivalent of 'The Secret Garden' - I know you won't find that strange that I say that.  I think you'll understand what I mean. 

Anyway, sending you some warmth and caring thoughts - and hoping that today is somehow a better day, or at least that there are some more positive moments that you can enjoy.  I hope the flashbacks and bad memories will give you some respite and that you are ok.

  to you Woodgsnome.
Hope