Hey community,
It has been a while since I have been on this site. I only made a few posts, mainly in the introduction section. I have been doing really great at healing, mainly by moving forward with my goals in life, avoiding re-traumatization, and achieving self-improvement for the preparation of better events in my life. I was doing very well until I got a text message from one of the main people who abused me, my father.
I did not have an emotional reaction to his message, which included him calling me a "disgrace" for getting married "without family consent" (I am mid 20s, educated, and have a decent career, mind you). Somehow I am used to his words and attitudes, and I retorted by calling HIM a disgrace, a response that made me quite satisfied and proud, actually. Yet, when I retold the situation to my brothers and my husband, I definitely felt re-traumatized. It reminded me how I should not feel ashamed to totally avoid all contact with my abusive family. I have learned, from several psychologists who specialize in trauma, that re-traumatization is only hindering healing. Many of us will always be re-traumatized if we are around the people or places where repeated trauma occurred.
Basically, when I told the story to my brothers (who never believed that I was abused anyway) and to my husband (who was really hurt by the message, and asked me more questions about the whole abusive environment with my family), I remembered that hopeless child, and I felt very sorry for her. I didn't go into a full blown spiral of darkness, but I realized that my "inner-child" needed the present, adult ME to protect her from the constant attacks of my father, and the vile disbelief and denial of my brother and other family members.
I moved to a different continent to be away from my family, and it was the best decision for me. But a small part of my sympathetic, adult mind wanted to be "nice" to my abusive family, by allowing channels of contact. This incident with my father made me realize that protecting my "inner-child" is still crucial to my healing, and protecting her comes first, comes before "being nice".
Healing is number one priority for those of us who experienced CPTSD, and many professionals who study trauma know that we must get away from the people and places that abused us, even those who didn't believe you.
What is your experience with this?
Thank you for reading/sharing
It has been a while since I have been on this site. I only made a few posts, mainly in the introduction section. I have been doing really great at healing, mainly by moving forward with my goals in life, avoiding re-traumatization, and achieving self-improvement for the preparation of better events in my life. I was doing very well until I got a text message from one of the main people who abused me, my father.
I did not have an emotional reaction to his message, which included him calling me a "disgrace" for getting married "without family consent" (I am mid 20s, educated, and have a decent career, mind you). Somehow I am used to his words and attitudes, and I retorted by calling HIM a disgrace, a response that made me quite satisfied and proud, actually. Yet, when I retold the situation to my brothers and my husband, I definitely felt re-traumatized. It reminded me how I should not feel ashamed to totally avoid all contact with my abusive family. I have learned, from several psychologists who specialize in trauma, that re-traumatization is only hindering healing. Many of us will always be re-traumatized if we are around the people or places where repeated trauma occurred.
Basically, when I told the story to my brothers (who never believed that I was abused anyway) and to my husband (who was really hurt by the message, and asked me more questions about the whole abusive environment with my family), I remembered that hopeless child, and I felt very sorry for her. I didn't go into a full blown spiral of darkness, but I realized that my "inner-child" needed the present, adult ME to protect her from the constant attacks of my father, and the vile disbelief and denial of my brother and other family members.
I moved to a different continent to be away from my family, and it was the best decision for me. But a small part of my sympathetic, adult mind wanted to be "nice" to my abusive family, by allowing channels of contact. This incident with my father made me realize that protecting my "inner-child" is still crucial to my healing, and protecting her comes first, comes before "being nice".
Healing is number one priority for those of us who experienced CPTSD, and many professionals who study trauma know that we must get away from the people and places that abused us, even those who didn't believe you.
What is your experience with this?
Thank you for reading/sharing