I'm a former SG whose whole FOO eventually went NC with me, not the other way round. Although I've waded through a rough sea of grief, rage and feelings of abandonment over this, I wouldn't want any of them back.
This week I realised I was thinking of family members every day, and that the longer I sat with it the worse I felt. I could be at first angry over the unfairness of it all, then be sad at not seeing my siblings ever again, then I would start to remember things FOO other than mother said, and I would start to think maybe it was me, after all, and soon after that I'd be self-destructing in some way guaranteed to make me feel worse.
A couple of days ago it dawned on me that I would never heal as long as I kept reopening these old wounds, and that I simply can't afford to be thinking of mother, father, sister, brother. I decided that when any one of them came to mind, I would have to get up and do something or switch my thoughts to what's right about myself and my life.
I may be saying something very basic that all of you already know. Of course the thoughts still come, but they can be switched off now. I don't have to go round and round in my own skull trying to figure out what I did wrong, how this situation came about, things I wish I'd said or desperately want to say now, or whether I 'should' extend olive branches to my siblings. In fact, I forbid myself doing any of that. If there was an Answer That Would Resolve Everything, I would have hit on it long ago.
Thought-stopping has made a big difference to me since then. Early days, but I like the effects so far. I feel a whole lot less tragic. I feel improved self-esteem and ability to speak up for myself. I feel slightly better able to cope with H's difficult moods. I even feel better about living with MIL! And the miracle is, she's spontaneously offered to help us buy a home for ourselves.
I think the day will come when I think of a FOO member, wish them well and immediately let go. That particular neural pathway can be shut down and have pretty wisteria growing over it.
:cheer: :cheer:
Way to go!
Some great recovery you're working on, and maybe a new house in the future - lovely to hear Candid! :thumbup: and :applause: and :hug:
Thank you both. It feels so nice to have applause and hugs and dancing girls for a big step in the right direction, reinforces the decision somehow.
:bighug: :bighug: