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Hey Des - just wanted to add my experience with Prozac which I was on for a really long time and had had increases to over the years from 10 to 40 mgs daily.  I have to say it wasn't doing much for me in the end, and earlier this year switched to Celexa which has made quite a difference. 

I don't know if it's because our bodies acclimatize or that the Celexa is just a better med for me though. I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety (which is common in CPTSD) this year and that helped target my symptoms better. Anyway, it's probably best to talk to your GP or better yet a psychiatrist as they are much more experienced in psych meds that GPs. I went through a bit of a crap shoot getting onto the right med with my GP before seeing a psychiatrist and landing on a diagnosis of SA and prescribed Celexa.  Some docs don't fully understand CPTSD - in my case Prozac was prescribed for "chronic depression" until being properly diagnosed with CPTSD and then SA so you may have to make sure your GP/T have the full picture of what you are dealing with.   

Hope you are able to find something that works for you!

Hi Again Folks - Another little item to add here - if you happen to see a thread that has wandered off the original topic (and this is common in discussions), please PM or Report to Moderator (with a bit of an explanation), and I will split the topic and move it into its own thread.  This keeps the original thread about the original topic so that members can add other thoughts about it over time, and it makes it easier for members to find and contribute to a new topic. 

Tks everyone 

Hi Folks - Just wanted to ask that if you report a post please add a sentence or two about why you feel it should be edited or removed.  Sometimes it's obvious to me and sometimes not so much.  Tks!

Tks GT, I shall keep in mind that T is a place to go and grow - I like that very much!   

Yes, it's like  "I've already gone through so much pain, why on earth would I willingly want to feel any of that again."         

I just wrote about this to some extent in my recovery journal but I thought it would be relevant here as well.  I have my third appt with my new T tomorrow and I am already fretting about doing more IC work.  Not to scare anyone off from doing this really important recovery work, but I just realized that two days after seeing him is when I had an angry EF relating to a present day problem, but which dredged up so many feelings from the past.  I had forgotten that my T had said there might be some fallout (I think because at the time I was holding a teddy bear and feeling a little uncomfortable doing so), and until today just thought it was simply the present day trigger that had taken me back to the past and being at my parents' mercy.  I was left feeling quite uncomfortable that it had happened so quickly and intensely, but today remembering that it had come on soon after my appt gave me a big piece of the puzzle.

I realize it had to do with the IC work we did only two days before the pension situation came up and because my younger self was closer to the surface  - zoom, she reacted swiftly and intensely to what felt like a old situation.  Again, not to scare anyone off as I did learn a lot because of it, especially in feeling those old feelings and from a younger me's point of view. As I mentioned in my other post I can intellectualize until the cows come home, but feelings are scary so I have avoided getting down to any IC work other than seeing to it that she has more fun these days.     

Anyway, this week after therapy I will try to be more aware of the fact that my IC is closer to the surface and if I end up having an EF again, I will try not to dissociate and instead see if I can stay with the feelings, and validate and comfort younger me. And if I do dissociate I will not let my ICr out to poke at me for doing so, but will tell it to pipe down and that I am doing the best that I can. 

So tomorrow I see my T for the third time and it is not without some trepidation because I know we will be doing more IC work and frankly it scares me.  I can intellectualize about IC work until the cows come home, but getting in there and feeling it - GAK!

Anyway, in thinking about tomorrow's appointment I suddenly realized that the big angry EF I had about 10 days ago was two days after my second appt with him.  Why I did not see that it contributed to that EF (and he had warned me that there might be some fallout) I have no idea, but I missed it.  No wonder the EF came on so quickly and strongly and that all I wanted to do was dissociate, my IC was closer to the surface. I knew that the past was layering over the present in that EF (yay, progress!), but was more than a little concerned about why it was so intense (i.e., I don't want to be knocked to my knees like that, so "suddenly" and seemingly without warning).

A little epiphany but an important one and I shall try to be more aware of IC triggers after this next appointment given she's peeking out from behind the wall more.

Update - I am managing to pop in and out of the Board, but did want to reiterate that you are most welcome to PM me any time as I'm not reading all posts all the time these days (so PM's ping me more quickly than something that's buried in a forum).

Thanks BadMemories, I am going to get ahold of our military ombudsman's office and start the ball rolling there.   We had word yesterday from my H's last HQ that they are are trying to get my H's file expedited at the CF Pension office so fingers crossed it will not drag on for another 2 months as they originally told us.

Love those hugs!  Backatcha   

If you constantly read story after story where people wind up with similar symptoms after being traumatized in a certain way, then it's getting reaaaally hard to see this as a character fault. It's simply an injury. So when my inner critic pipes up with its constant song of "you're being weak", I point at OOTS and go: "hah, what about that? They aren't weak, so I'm not either."

                  

"There is legal precedent here, in my country, where unfair distribution of assets between *siblings* has been overturned by the court and this woman is not even a member of my family except by marriage of her mother."

Sunkitten - you mean that a previously set precedent has been overturned rather than upheld correct? Hard to believe if that's the case!

This is a long shot idea here but you just never know.  What about seeing if there are any watchdog style journalists in you area that might be interested in investigating your case?  I just saw one on TV last night that brought a lot of attention to bear on a guy's experience of having his girlfriend steal his credit card and rack up tons of charges, and even though she "confessed" (and got 20 hrs of community service and had to write a letter of apology to him), the credit card company was still making him repay the charges.  Since the reporter got into it though they company is "reevaluating things" a little bad press can go a long way it seems.   

It may be that in your case being disabled and not having the resources to fight this case in which an an in-law (out law) is trying to take advantage of you may capture a journalist's attention.  Long shot I know, but if it worked it might be a way of getting some quick action without forking over a bundle of money.

Hi Ghost - there are T's who do know about CPTSD specifically although fewer than is needed, but many have some training and experience in trauma so it's not a big leap for them to understand and treat CPTSD.  My T is like this and I've provided him with links to Walkers site and a few others.

Celexa - hmmmm, I was prescribed thru a psychiatrist I saw when I was having the panic attacks and am now monitored by my GP so unless your T is a psychiatrist, I guess you'll have to go to your GP.  It helped me because my Social anxiety disorder was out of control early on this year as I think I mentioned and the psychiatrist I saw had had a lot of success with Celexa in this respect. 

Hope this helps and that you can find some relief thru therapy and a med that helps!

A meditation retreat sounds lovely Zenfox, whereabouts if you don't mind me asking?

We will be staying home for Christmas, but my son is coming home from university so we're really excited about that as we live on the opposite coast and don't get to see much of him at all. And this year my NPDM is spending XMas with my NPDB so it's just us and we couldn't be happier - no pressure, no having to manage all her PD behaviours (they really ramp up at XMas or any holiday for that matter), just our little FOC enjoying the holidays together. 

"It's funny. I have this steady, strong, competent persona - but that's just how people are in my house. I learned this like a language. It's an advantage sometimes, but I have such a hard time showing myself weak. It's like, if I do that, people will walk away."

Your post really resonated with me Cat, especially the notion of not wanting anyone to see me as weak.  It started me thinking about how we define what being "weak" is. In my case it is a lack of control which makes me feel very vulnerable to abuse, rejection, ridicule, and of being made to feel small.  In your case it seeems to be about about asking for help, of needing something from others -- is that about right? 

I guess my point in this noodling kind of post is that we both have gotten tangled up in others' versions of what is weak, internalized them as you suggest and now it is time to find out what it is we think and feel, you're so right about that.  When we sense someone is struggling do we attack, reject, ridicule, walk away? No.  So I guess the thing to work on as your post so nicely highlights is that we really do need to "treat ourselves as we would treat others." Simple, yet elegant and powerful.

Tks for sharing your thoughts about your recovery Cat (and by the way, we will not walk away from you). 

   

Tks everyone for your suggestions and support     BeHealthy, we do have provincial medical coverage here, it's our extended coverage that isn't rolling yet so we have to pay for medications, certain services (psychologist or psychiatrist, physiotherapy, dental) and then submit a claim for reimbursement when the plan kicks in.  So we will get a percentage back but it can be a lot out of pocket.  Fortunately we have had the resources but after five months we're having to tap into some we don't want to and more to the point shouldn't have to.  We do have someone at my H's last HQ advocating for us now so hopefully that will expedite the slowing moving machine that is the CF pension office. I am seeing a T at our local community health centre so that is covered and tk goodness for that, private ones are really expensive.

It really did feel like a betrayal, but I've used the "lift and separate" or Playtex bra technique and separated out what belongs in the past and the present so it is not sending me into an EF at least, I just have some annoyance and consternation which is understandable and a "normal" reaction imo. 

I must admit I really hate being EF'd like that (hah, using EF as a verb now lol). I did not see it coming and it flattened me so it makes getting on with some IC work so I am aware of my triggers all that much more important.

Onward!