The event I had to bury within (TW).

[Sprinkles]

I have a favorite uncle. He love his nieces and nephews more than his siblings did.

When I was 14, he took me to my cousin's house for her birthday party. She was born the same year I was.

There were a bunch of young teens and her siblings, and it was a big sleep over.

I got up to go to the washroom. On my way back to sleep, her dad told me to come sit on the couch with him. I did since I was in his house and I obeyed adults.

I don't remember if there was a conversation or anything. While sitting by him, he molested me. Like all offenders do, told me don't tell. I don't think he threatened me though

I waited a year, while in therapy in the psych ward I blurted it out. There was an investigation, an anti- mom was all over it.

The only reason she did something was because the family doesn't like her and she didn't get any money. 

I retracted my accusation. The first reason was to make anti-mom more hated and look foolish. The 2nd and more important reason was I didn't want my cousin and uncle to hate me.

They were the only two who treated me kindly. My favorite uncle passed some years ago. The offender passed a couple years ago. My cousin and I talk on most Saturdays. 

She seems to love her dad. I can't bring myself to say it really happened. There are moments when she mentions her father, and I just remember what he did.

I don't have many people who are interested in talking with me. I also don't want to drop that on her and create damage in her life.

So I'm posting it here so that it's out.

[Kizzie]

It is out Thunder and I hope over time it will begin to feel better that you have shared it finally. I am so sorry that happened to you and you felt you had to retract your accusation and then keep it inside.  It eats away at us even if we stuff it way down and often pops up/out in ways that hurt us more. So as I said, I hope it helps to have put it in writing here.

Nobody should ever be abused like that.

[Sprinkles]

Thank you, Kizzie! 

I'm glad I was able to finally find a safe way to get that out.

It had occured to me while writing this post, that was the first occurrence of sexual abuse.

As in my exploitation post I fought back/ran from situations. I believe internally I was not going to allow myself to be subjected to those feelings/scars again.

[Kizzie]

Good for you that you have an inner defender who does what it can to keep you safe.  I think I understand your choice of forum names now that you are posting and we are getting to know you. I see you raining down thunder and lightning on anyone who tries to abuse you.