Not Alone on a New Path (2023-?)

[rainydiary]

Not Alone, it is a lot starting new jobs and working to establish routines and ways of doing things especially when you can't quite visualize how it will look because it is new.  I hope that your work will provide guidance and you will find (or already have) supportive coworkers. 

[Moondance]

Hi Not Alone,

It's a lot of change Not Alone.  I stand with you while you feel overwhelmed and panicked.  And I stand with you with your new job - wishing you the best as well. 

You are definitely not on your own with this.

 

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Rainy & Moondance.

I did call a coworker yesterday and received some guidance and encouragement from her.

I went for a walk this morning. Then I worked on paying bills. Dealing with accounts, money and numbers is triggering to me. I'm feeling tense and shaky. 

[Armee]

 

You're doing great with all these challenges. I don't mean that in the sense that everything's OK, it's not. But I see you handling it with strength and perseverance, and gentleness to yourself.

You'll do great at your job. Most people wouldn't even care if they did, they'd just take it as it comes but you are so caring and conscientious. With that attitude you'll do great and everyone makes mistakes and has to learn. But I'd rather have someone like you doing a job than someone who doesnt care or even wonder if they are doing well. I hope once the new job starts (soon!) that you feel a little less stress. Anticipation can sometimes be worse.

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Armee. Yes, anticipation is really hard.

[Not Alone]

For the second night in a row, I had a 'grief" dream (divorce).

I'm still feeling overwhelmed by my preparation for the new job. The anxiety is more at a six. Last week I was living at 8-9. Still  .

I looked at my bank account online. It didn't trigger me, so that was a relief. I remembered to deposit a check from ex-H today.

There is an important paper regarding the transfer of the house to me that seems to be missing. I sent it to his real estate lawyer, but she hasn't received it. I think it needs to be forwarded to her from the city office. It is concerning and I'm trying not to panic.

I feel like I should do more work. I'm tired and my brain is pretty much finished for the day. I don't have the energy to do physical things either. I'm ready to shut down.

I talked to a friend yesterday who has cancer. It appears that the situation is worse than originally believed.

[rainydiary]

Hi Not Alone, I am thinking of you as you navigate all these different experiences.

[sanmagic7]

notalone, it was weird to see 'ex-H' in your post.  very final.  i hope you find that paper - or someone finds it - soon.  you don't need to have that sitting on your head, too.  there's enough on your plate at the moment.  do what you can and keep taking care of you as much as possible.  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Rainy & San.

I got some organizing for work and for home done today. It's never enough. My anxiety is getting even higher. I can feel it through my whole body. I need to do more work, but I just feel overwhelmed and frozen. Ugh.

My ex-H was here, because he was with our son. When he told me the following, he wasn't bragging, just stating facts. I could hear my T's voice in my head saying that he has no idea how what he says lands for others. Ex-H: I'm going to trade my car in today and get an new (used) one. In my mind: "Thanks for letting me know how you're spending MY DAD'S money." He also bought a couch and a dish washer. All those are things he needs, but I am living on my friend's money that she willed me. He has a large portion of my Dad's money. It makes me feel ill.

[Moondance]

I'm so sorry Not Alone.

I felt nauseated when you shared this.  This is just so wrong. 

Sending supportive hugs your way.

[sanmagic7]

so wrong, notalone.  i'm so upset for you and these circumstances and him flaunting his crapola in your face.    i hate that this is happening to you, all of it.  love and hugs

[Bach]

That's so unfair that he has your dad's money, Not Alone.  I can relate as there is something akin in my family.  It's hard to swallow injustices like that, especially when the other party is ungracious.

Sending warmth and good thoughts. 

[rainydiary]

That would make me feel ill also.  Best wishes chipping away at work tasks. 

[Blueberry]

   to you

   to ex-H.

[Not Alone]

I cannot handle all the technology that I will need to learn and use for my new job. I can't.