CPTSD as a result of marriage & offspring with an CD (character disordered) with NPD

[Elsbeth]

good morning.

sort of.

nice to read a name or have terminology for what I have been living with for more than half a decade now. And "Out of the Storm" implies there is another side for me to reach ... I know that ... it's just that THAT side of "out of the storm" is a decade away. And that is a long time to keep having to work and deal and have repeated upon me CPTSD from a sick sick individual (I need no degree to know this individual is sick).

i am going to try and use the forums to avoid some self destructive behavior on my part - usually drinking when i feel i just can't deal with the games and onslaught that is relentless from the NPD (narcissitic personality disordered) ex.

i know i drink to feel number and to punish myself (why myself? i dunno. seems to be what happens when hopelessness over takes the mind.)

for those that are suffering at the hands of a personality disordered and thats why CPTSD exists -  I recommend reading Dr Simon's book In Sheep's Clothing. It explained in such easy detail all the games my ex was playing and how those games affected me.

Sadly the books offer some methods for dealing with a NPD but the best advice is no contact and when divorce and children and courts are involved the no contact is impossible.

So here I am. I have stress disorder. I have been suicidal. I have been hopeless.

And I am also still here. Hoping to read and find some tools to deal with the CPTSD better. Decade is a long time and in a decade I get no contact with my abuser. And that is my hope I hold onto.

[VeryFoggy]

Elsbeth, So sorry for you that you are going through this.  My sick, sick individual actually went so far as to take my children away from me when he teamed up with another sick, sick individual. I really don't know how I survived it, but I did, and I am glad I did. Glad I did not take my life and glad I survived.

As eventually, as time changes everything, my children chose me when they were old enough to say what they wanted, and they moved back home with me, no fuss, no mess no court.  So hang on, what looks hopeless today could change in a few years to something totally different than what it looks like today.

You just never know what is going to happen.  Hope is an awesome thing to have, so cling to hope.

I can't say anything about drinking to numb the pain as I did it too. A little at first then more and more. Not enough to mess up my job?  But enough to dull the pain. I quit drinking that way about a year and a half ago. And I am 58 and my kids are now 31 and 29. I have not quit drinking?  But I quit getting blotto and it is so much better.

But I have had CPTSD all of my life I just did not know what it was. And the men I chose to try to recreate and make it come out right this time were all some version of my father. And it did not get better it got worse. The harder I tried the worse it got.

But this place and another place - Out of the fog - saved me. So I highly recommend both places.  Here and Outofthe fog.net.  Both have much to offer, and will help you feel your way out. I am slowly doing so myself. And I have hope. And I hope you have hope?